Beastly Ballers - Week 2

Join Laura and Katy, hosts of For the Love of Nature, for a fun miniseries: Beastly Ballers. They will be joined by a special guest Donnie "Hail Mary Hootenanny" Martin, a football analyst, as they dive into the quirky world of college football and NFL predictions based on mascots. In this episode, they dissect the showdown between Alabama Crimson Tide and Texas Longhorns, followed by the Cincinnati Bengals and the Cleveland Browns.  Get ready for hilarious mascot battles and some football insights. Who will emerge victorious on the field and in the cage? Tune in to find out!

Transcript

Katy: 0:05

Because we all knew, we all knew that Laura and I were going to win anyway.

Laura: 0:10

Well, I mean,

Katy: 0:12

Predict accurately based upon our animal knowledge.

Laura: 0:14

plus, I mean, but everyone said that Penn State was going to, and it just happened to be that they had the better mascot.

Katy: 0:22

It just happened to be there. The better mascot. I saw, a TikTok a friend sent it to me talking about the Penn State's mascot. And it looks like a little kid drew a lion that was on meth. And I'm like, that's accurate. Like very accurate.

Laura: 0:35

like, the Nittany Lion statue is so,

Katy: 0:38

Yeah,

Laura: 0:39

beautiful. Yeah,

Katy: 0:40

Yeah,

Laura: 0:40

super accurate. Yeah,

Katy: 0:42

Then there's this mascot. Creepy as all get out. I bet he talks like that, too. If not, we need the, whatever kid's the mascot for this year to actually talk, talk that way. Alrighty. So this week we're doing something a little bit different because the NFL starts this week. So we're gonna pick one College game and then one NFL game.

Laura: 1:10

I'm excited to hear about the big time people. I feel like I'll recognize the names of the mascots. But maybe not.

Katy: 1:16

for the NFL. Okay.

Donnie: 1:19

I cannot believe that I'm losing to y'all right out of the gate. All the research I did

Katy: 1:25

I mean, I can,

Donnie: 1:26

and, oh it

Katy: 1:29

that's the problem. You did too much research.

Laura: 1:32

What was their downfall? It wasn't the quarterback, was it? Cause

Donnie: 1:36

was, absolutely took over.

Katy: 1:39

definitely was,

Laura: 1:40

Oh, man.

Donnie: 1:42

I kind of misjudged South Carolina's defense,

Katy: 1:45

I think a lot of people did.

Donnie: 1:47

I should have went with my intuition, knowing a Ram could kick the crap out of a Gamecock and just went with it.

Katy: 1:56

Yep. Well, once again, we'll see if, Donnie pigskin poet, Martin can do any better this week with his predictions. So do you want to start with, let's start with college then Donnie. Do you want to, talk about the college game, how you have picked, which this is going to be a good one. Hopefully it should be good.

Donnie: 2:16

this is the, probably the game of the year, Alabama, Texas.

Katy: 2:22

Yeah. Every, everybody's talking about it.

Donnie: 2:24

The Alabama Crimson Tide and the Texas Longhorn. So Texas is going to the SEC starting next year. They are historical powerhouses in college football. They. Haven't played often recently and they're playing in a two game series leading up to them going to the SEC So this game is going to set the tone you know when they do enter the SEC, but what makes this game special is if Anyone pays attention to Texas high school football, Southlake Carroll, their quarterback was Quinn yours. And that same year, Alabama's quarterback Jalen Milrow, there were two of the top quarterbacks in Texas. And that was when the NIL came out to where college players could get contracts and get money. Get paid while they're playing. So they graduated early Quinn yours, the Texas quarterback went to Ohio state, Melrose went to Alabama. So these two guys, they're about to play. And this is like a Texas high school footballs, followers dream. This is a huge matchup for that. And this is one of the biggest games in the country. It's Alabama, Texas.

Katy: 3:34

Well, there's another big reason why there's a big rivalry going on here. So in the past, I think it was, I can't remember if it was last season or a season before, but so there's, there's rules around tickets. All right, ticket sales, you have to have X number of tickets set aside for away players. And that includes the player's family and the band and everything like that. And so I think it was last year whenever Alabama, because they were not in conference and they're still not in conference. Normally whenever you're in conference, you have to save like X number of like good

Laura: 4:11

Mm

Katy: 4:12

Well, if it's out of conference for the opposing team, you don't have to, you have to save X number of seats, but they don't have to be very good. So whenever Alabama came to Texas, Texas sat the band like way up. In the nosebleed section. And so this year, what did Alabama do? Put Texas way up in the nosebleed section. And so they've been having these little spats like that. They're just back and forth of just disrespect.

Laura: 4:39

how did the guy end up from, you said he went to Ohio State, now he's in Texas?

Katy: 4:44

can, they can move.

Donnie: 4:45

Here's what's crazy though, so Texas quarterback, he went to Ohio State, really never played, and had an NIL deal, so at 18, should be a senior in high school, he was a multi millionaire, right?

Laura: 4:59

Dang.

Donnie: 4:59

I haven't looked at him up, but I just know he left early. So, you know, no one really got to play, see him play their senior year. So hit the transfer portal, went to Texas. Queen yours, if you ever see him, he has blonde hair and a mullet and wears sunglasses a lot.

Laura: 5:17

Oh my gosh.

Donnie: 5:18

straight from Texas. And so last year they're playing Alabama and he's having the game of his life and he gets hurt. And so Alabama ends up, they went in 2019, but I swear to you, they were going to beat them.

Katy: 5:34

listen, they, cause they should have had that safety and they didn't have the safety and that, that mess, they should have won that game.

Laura: 5:41

Alabama?

Donnie: 5:42

No Texas.

Katy: 5:43

Texas should have won that game. They lost by one point and it came down to at some point during the game, they got a safety, but the refs, they called it not a safety. And that's part of the controversy too, is they yeah. Probably should have won that

Donnie: 5:56

And so you got Quinn yours at Texas and in the off season, they picked up another quarterback, Arch Manning, which is Peyton Manning's nephew.

Laura: 6:05

Of course.

Donnie: 6:06

He wore number 19, went to, same high school they so he's their backup. They're not really red shirt and them. So he might come in the game. No one knows. So there's a lot of drama, a lot of eyeballs on this one.

Laura: 6:17

Yeah, I was just gonna say, this sounds very high school drama.

Katy: 6:21

Yeah, this has been the game people analysts, sports channels, everybody's looking forward to this game. It should be a really, really good game. But, so their mascots, Alabama is an elephant.

Laura: 6:34

For the, Crimson Tide?

Katy: 6:36

yes. And then Texas is the Longhorns.

Laura: 6:41

are they, why are they an elephant? How does that make any sense?

Katy: 6:45

The origin of the mascot dates back to 1930 when a sports writer. Wrote that Alabama in 1930 is a typical Wade machine, which is coach Wallace, which is powerful, big, tough, fast, aggressive, and well schooled and fundamentals and the best blocking team for this early in the season that he's ever seen. So using that flare and everything else that they were saying At the end of the first quarter, And the earth started to tremble, There was a distant rumble, And it continued to grow, Some excited fan in the stands bellowed, Hold your horses, the elephants are coming. And thus gave rise, To the mascot of an elephant.

Laura: 7:28

an elephant from Alabama.

Katy: 7:32

So the Texas Longhorns and descended from the cattle, brought by Spanish explorers and settled, in first significant numbers. Crossing to Texas in the early 1700s. And yeah, and I mean, everywhere you go, it's Longhorns, like every, everywhere. So I mean, for that, for a big Texas school, it's really not shocking that they're the Longhorns. So, Laura, elephant. VLongHorn. Who you pickin

Donnie: 7:59

If you go to a video there, you type in Bevo. That's their mascot. Thing's huge. It's like a big bull. Big horns.

Laura: 8:08

So, here's the thing, I just looked up their pictures, because I also think the way the mascot looks matters, and who I think would win in a fight of actual mascots is Texas, because he looks a little more fierce. But, okay, let's break this down, because I also looked up the, logo for Alabama. The elephant in that logo is definitely an African elephant. It's ears are like,

Katy: 8:31

for sure. Huge,

Laura: 8:33

elephant versus Texas longhorn? I don't know, man.

Katy: 8:39

I just, okay. Yeah, because here's the thing. I can't see any situation where either one of them would attack and not just try to run.

Laura: 8:49

Agreed. Although, you and I both know elephants can be pretty aggressive. For no good reason.

Katy: 8:56

Yeah, they can especially if it's a male and musk. Then, maybe.

Laura: 9:03

also, let's say they actually did fight. Cage match, couldn't escape, couldn't run away. I think that a Texas Longhorn, they're made for defense. Their horns are out sideways, they push. Whereas an elephant's tusks are facing forward. And I just think an elephant would wreck a cow. I don't care how big the cow is. I

Katy: 9:28

that's a good one. I just think an elephant would wreck a

Laura: 9:31

would impale them with its tusks or grab them with their trunk and just beat them to death.

Katy: 9:37

Yeah, I think when push comes to shove. If, if they had

Laura: 9:42

If they had to, I think the elephant would win.

Katy: 9:45

yeah,

Laura: 9:46

There was this awesome, there was this awesome Texas longhorn that used to be at, like, Tobias, where I used to work. His name was Big John. And he was so, he was so big and so docile, he would just sleep in the field all day, all by himself. And he'd then come up to the bus, and he'd eat corn, and he'd stick his tongue out really far. So freaking cute. But that was the biggest cow I've ever seen.

Katy: 10:08

Yeah, they are huge. They can get very, very big.

Laura: 10:11

Yeah. This probably is inaccurate, I, I mean, as far as the football. But I think the elephant would win

Katy: 10:18

yeah. I mean, I still think it would win if it went, if it was forced to, if it was forced to,

Laura: 10:25

And it's got the smarts to be able to outsmart a cow

Katy: 10:31

Yeah. Like cows are smart. Cows are a lot smarter than what people give them credit for. However, however, they're almost not as. They're not as quick, like fast, smart as what a, as what an elephant would be. No, they definitely, definitely are.

Laura: 10:50

Crafty elephant. Well, wait, Donnie, who do you think's gonna win? I mean you have to say Texas, right? You have to

Katy: 10:57

No, he's, he's not, he's not a Longhorns fan. He's a Louisiana tech.

Donnie: 11:01

Yeah, you are correct. But, you know, if it came down to if they were really going to get in a fight, I don't know if any animal is going to beat an African elephant. I don't know what animal would win,

Katy: 11:10

From the football perspective, who are you calling?

Donnie: 11:12

Alabama, because I think Jalen Milrow is going to win the Heisman Trophy this year. No one's talking about him. I don't think they're going to lose a game. So Alabama as a fan though, living here locally, I thought Quinn would have won last year or he was going to win and he got hurt. So

Katy: 11:32

Well, they should have won that game.

Donnie: 11:34

I'm kind of rooting for him as a redemption of last year.

Katy: 11:38

So, from the animal perspective, Alabama. From the football perspective, Alabama. Alrighty, so this is the first week of the NFL. So let's go ahead and do our NFL game. Donnie, you want to talk about the, the, where's NFL? Segment. Did you, be

Donnie: 11:58

So Laura, are you up to par on your NFL statistics and

Laura: 12:05

b choo, I didn't even know it was starting.

Donnie: 12:10

The NFL kicks off this week. These are the guys that actually get paid What made this week tough is there's not a lot of animal matchups. But,

Laura: 12:18

I died. Ooh.

Donnie: 12:19

so, Katie and I were kind of texting back and forth and what I like about this is I think there's a lot of hatred towards this team, these teams from Katie,

Katy: 12:29

can I say shit match?

Donnie: 12:31

So I was kind of hoping y'all could go into detail about who would win in this battle. It's the Cincinnati Bengals and the Cleveland Browns and

Laura: 12:41

Dingles? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There is an NF

Katy: 12:44

Bengals, Bengals, Bengals, like,

Laura: 12:51

I was like,

Katy: 12:52

Cincinnati Dingles. Yes, that's, that's definitely more accurate. I'll tell you that, that's definitely more accurate.

Laura: 13:00

was like, I thought I knew all the NFL team names at least by, hearing. I've never heard of the Dingles. Okay, the Bengals. I have heard of the Bengals. And what was the other one?

Donnie: 13:14

Cleveland

Katy: 13:15

Browns.

Laura: 13:16

Oh, right. But what's their mascot?

Katy: 13:18

A dog. A Mastiff. Which, you know what a Mastiff is. The breed, big, burly Mastiff versus the Bengal. Not a Dingle.

Donnie: 13:27

How big is a mastiff?

Katy: 13:28

They're big. They're one of the, Bigger, burly dog, strong jaw breeds.

Donnie: 13:33

Great Dane size? Like big?

Laura: 13:35

bigger,

Katy: 13:37

not

Laura: 13:38

not taller,

Katy: 13:39

or

Laura: 13:40

beefier.

Katy: 13:40

yeah, yeah. So for a long time with Cleveland Brown, it was the, it was just John is like a brown dog and it was never, it was always, I think everybody just assumed that it was a lab. And then. More recently because they just wanted to define what it was. Was it a lab or was it something else? That's whenever they ended up saying no, it's a it's a it's a

Laura: 14:04

Well, right, because who is afraid of a lab?

Katy: 14:06

yeah, nobody Which I mean to be fair. No one's afraid of the Cleveland Browns either. So

Donnie: 14:11

I'm afraid of their fans. Their fans eat dog biscuits at the game.

Laura: 14:15

Ew.

Katy: 14:16

I mean, it's Cleveland. So yeah, so if it's a Mastiff

Donnie: 14:20

I need to look this thing up. Sounds big.

Laura: 14:23

I mean, this has actually happened before in history. So the Romans actually, this dog was bred for doing this.

Donnie: 14:30

Oh, wait a minute. this. is like Cujo? Oh, this is like Cujo versus a tiger.

Katy: 14:37

Yes, that's what I was gonna say, yeah,

Laura: 14:39

yeah, and this breed has been around for like 3, 000 years. And the Romans actually used to make them fight tigers and lions, bulls, other dogs, and even human gladiators. So this thing is made to fight tigers.

Katy: 14:54

Yeah, they're definitely war dogs, and then, but their jobs have always been Protection, whether it's livestock, whether it's community, whether it's it's always been work. It's always been the work that they've done has been protection

Laura: 15:05

protection or like, yeah, or

Donnie: 15:08

So this dog's like a beast. So is this, was this a dog on The Sandlot as well?

Laura: 15:13

Yeah,

Donnie: 15:14

The movie The same one?

Laura: 15:15

I think that's the dog from the sandlot.

Donnie: 15:18

Interesting,

Laura: 15:19

I'm just looking up the weight difference, because a Mastiff, they weigh a hundred to a hundred They're only 100 to 130 pounds. Can that be true? Oh wait, that's a bull mastiff. Hold on, just kidding, just kidding. 120 to 230 pounds.

Katy: 15:36

yeah, yeah, that sounds right. I was like, no, these are huge dogs.

Laura: 15:39

yeah, but a bengal tiger, so, a female bengal tiger at the low end is 220, a mastiff at the high end is 230. So if we did even weight, maybe.

Katy: 15:55

The fattest, biggest mastiff you can

Laura: 15:58

The fattest mastiff and the scrawniest female tiger, maybe, but

Katy: 16:05

yeah, I, I, yeah,

Laura: 16:06

in general, I would say, I mean, a tiger, 30 inches tall, 3 feet tall, what's 30 inches? Almost 3 feet. A tiger's taller,

Katy: 16:20

Mm

Laura: 16:20

and a male is so much bigger.

Donnie: 16:22

I was going to say from the, outside looking in think anybody would just, you know, Tiger's going to win that battle all day, every day, but the way you are describing this thing, this is interesting. Thank you.

Katy: 16:32

Well, yeah, I mean it was meant to it's meant to fight and protect

Laura: 16:35

I think if I was gonna say average, average of each species, I would say the tiger would win. Thank you. Bye. Depending on the circumstances, I do think of a male mastiff possibly defeat a small female.

Katy: 16:50

So the world record for the biggest mastiff was in 1989 And it was for the world's largest dog. It stood 37 inches tall at the shoulder was eight feet three inches long from tip of nose to the tail. His name was zorba and he weighed 343 pounds

Laura: 17:08

Okay, so that's more of like, so a, a, tiger, yeah, a tiger is three, well, a bengal. Because, all tiger species are different. A bengal is three to three and a half feet at the shoulder, same height. They are, I mean, that's still, a female at the high end is 350. A male at the low end is 440.

Katy: 17:27

if you look up pictures of Zorba. I mean, it is a huge freaking dog.

Laura: 17:32

Oh, yeah.

Katy: 17:34

like huge.

Laura: 17:36

I was gonna say, but that's just one dog. Yeah. That's just I'm just saying that's one dog.

Katy: 17:42

Yeah, but can you imagine like if that thing got ticked off?

Donnie: 17:46

I'm looking at his paw print on his owner's shoulder. it's bigger than the owner's head. This is like the size of a bear.

Laura: 17:54

I, what I think would happen, like, if you wanted a play by play, what I think would happen is that the cat would scratch, and it's got the reach, and it would disembowel or something that mastiff, and then as soon as the mastiff was down, then it would go for his throat. Whereas the mastiff, it has to get in close, and the tiger doesn't.

Katy: 18:14

yeah. I just don't think it could get close fast enough to really, even though, I mean, even though it is for, for fighting. I just don't know if it could out beat a tiger. The agility of a tiger alright, so Laura, who are you then picking for tiger versus mastiff then? Me too. And I hate the Bengals, but, I really don't want to pick on this. I hate them both. They both suck, but I guess the bangle's from an animal perspective, not for any other reason. Let that be clear. Donnie, what about the football side?

Donnie: 18:52

I'm taking the Cleveland Browns.

Katy: 18:55

Eugh.

Donnie: 18:58

I think anybody I, I would have picked, she would have went, ugh.

Katy: 19:02

Yeah, I'm questioning your football knowledge here if you're gonna pick them. So, alrighty. So Laura and I are going to go Bengals on this one, and then Donnie's going to go Browns for whatever unknown reason

Laura: 19:16

see, we'll see.

Katy: 19:19

That wraps up this week then, and then we'll see who's right. And then tune in next week. We're going to do the same thing for drop them on Saturdays that for Saturday for college football and NFL,