Animals I Could Do Without: The Creatures That Push Our Buttons

In this hilarious episode of Wildly Curious (formerly For the Love of Nature), co-hosts Katy Reiss and Laura Fawks Lapole dive into the animal kingdom's most annoying members. From pigeons to wasps, llamas to pandas, they break down why certain creatures just get on their nerves. Prepare for a light-hearted rant as they discuss not only the natural history but also some personal (and bizarre) encounters with these animals. Whether it's a tick in an uncomfortable place or a face-off with a llama, you'll get an entertaining mix of humor and insight into the quirks of these often-despised species.

Perfect for animal lovers and nature enthusiasts who enjoy a good laugh at the absurdities of the natural world. Join the fun and share which animals you could live without!

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to For the Love of Nature, a podcast where we tell you everything you need to know about nature and probably more than you wanted to know. I'm Laura.
And I'm Katy, and today we are continuing our Ridiculousness of Ridiculousnesses episodes, talking about animals we could do without. So of the could you, could you do without this animal? So I think we had like-
Absolutely, the answer is yes.
Yeah, yes we could, the ones we picked. So we had like in this series, Could You Ride That, which was the first, which I still think is one of my favorite episode, just because like could you ride that? Like it's still-
Good title alone.
It's still a common question. And so we, this is another one, could you do without that animal? So we're just gonna kind of ping back and forth.
All right, so what was your nature names, Laura?
So it's not really news, it's more of like a question.
News to us?
Yeah, you're right, news to us, news to us. So it was a Facebook as where I get all my information, news and great things. And the question was basically, with what force did the Brachiosaurus vomit?
Never have I ever thought about dinosaurs puking.
No, or very many animals throwing up for that matter, which is crazy because you and I have been around enough animals, enough animal vomit to know that animals definitely throw up, but-
At least some of them. I've definitely seen a gorilla.
Oh yeah, regurgitation.
Yeah, so the answer is it can vomit with 68,000 Newtons per hurl.
Per hurl. Add that to our measurement book.
You're right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
As far as a rat can swim, as far as a brachiosaurus can hurl.
Because it's assuming that a brachiosaurus, I don't know how they got these numbers. I'm not gonna question it.
Yeah, because we don't even really know how these dinosaurs look. It's an educated guess. Meanwhile, we're like, this is how fast they hurl.
Well, right, and they got that information by assuming that it hurls with about 110 pounds of vomit, which is-
Oh my gosh.
But I guess, yeah, it's a big animal. And then if that drops from 45 feet above this, above, because that's how tall their neck would, then yeah, then you get that many Newtons. And so could it kill you?
Yes, yes, it could.
Yeah, it would have to kill you.
Which is insane. I just love the math. There's even a great little like infographic.
This goes back to the chicken slappin.
Oh, I know, it's totally like the chicken slappin.
How fast can you sub a chicken?
The whole thing got brought up because they found the remains of a... The matter was investigated to determine exactly how the remains of a small dinosaur ended up in a Brachiosaurus puke crater.
How do they know it's a puke crater?
I don't know, but I think you're seeing...
I don't know.
Puke crater? Okay, for the situation to even form a fossil in general, and if you haven't listened to our fossil episode, go back, it's somewhere. I don't know, we're in season five now.
We can't give you specifics of when these episodes were anymore, but you have to have very specific conditions for a fossil to form anyway. Then you add on a fossilizing puke? Like, yeah, man, talk about right place at the right time.
Wrong place at the wrong time. Oh, to find the fossil. I was thinking of the poor little dinosaur.
No, for the fossil to actually happen for puke.
I love that people have different names for puke, okay. This article is referring to puke as yak, dinosaur yak.
How do they know? So, Italian scientists are tackling this cold case. Yes, in 1989, a unique fossil concluded that it was dinosaur vomit, roughly 220 million years old.
The fossil lacked the mineralization that would have put it in the dinosaur poop category. They also identified bones captured for eternity inside the puke as a tiny-winged pterosaur, which are, you know, like pterodactyls.
What a wonder it vomited, because they're a plant eater.
Yeah, so, so, so.
It's meat!
Well, it says vomit like this usually is from a predator regurgitating like an owl pellet.
Yeah, but I mean, they are, you know, birds related to birds.
I mean, this one, this one, they, you know, pterosaurs could be anywhere from a sparrow to a fighter jet in size. This one was tiny. But no doubt it was a winged pterosaur in the vom, which also again, love that they called it the vom.
Used an X-ray, compare it to other things. It was all scientific. Yes, yes, yes.
Sto-s-blah blah blah blah. Looks like the Italian scientists still aren't sure what the heck is in that final slice dino yak. Okay, that's all I got.
But also, so was it a case of, you know, like that pigeon in a baseball game that just got hit by the ball?
Oh, yeah.
You ever seen it? So it's the wrong place, wrong time. Like this poor little pterosaur is just flying along.
It's a business. Or, or did it eat it? Accidentally eat it.
And then just vomit.
What has happened to me before is I'm talking and I inhale the fly because my mouth is open so much. I was breathing. Yeah, this guy was just talking to a friend and the little pterosaur just right up in a windpipe and made a barf.
I like to think it was he was talking to a friend and he just threw up. Yeah, because that has happened to me like riding my bike. You know, maybe he's riding his bike.
It's enough to make you want to die. I was talking in front of a group of people. I was doing a tour and just was like, and I took a big deep breath because I had been talking a lot and then fly right right down the windpipe.
I'm like, almost threw up.
Well, dinosaur vomit, folks.
So instead, let's talk about how there are some animals we just don't like for one reason or another.
Because there are plenty, but we did try to narrow it down. I have...
We love all animals, but we don't like them.
Yeah, we don't like them. And I picked five. I picked five.
You picked five too?
Yeah.
Okay, so we have five each that we just don't like for one reason or another.
I don't have any reasons. You want to go first?
Uh, sure. I can go first. Alright, ready?
Yeah.
First animal I could do without... Pigeons. Listen, I have ragged on these flying rats before.
I didn't convince you with my war pigeons?
Listen, not really. I mean, cool, but they're still... they're still pigeon-off.
So I'm gonna, you know, crap... talk them a little bit more. But these dumbasses are found all around the world.
You see them in cities, towns, dumpsters, side of the road. Just munching on stuff on the sides of the road, just basically waiting to be hit because they're just that dumb. They're 11 to 13 inches in length with a wingspan of 20 to 26 inches.
Often in grayish in color. They can really, well, gray, but they can be a variety of colors.
Yeah, I saw a white one the other day at the grocery store.
You figure. I mean, they just breed and breed and breed. They just get all kinds of weird colors.
They're all from, like, they were domestic.
Yes, yeah.
And now they're not. So yeah, it makes sense that they'd be prettier colors.
Yeah, they have a small red to pink grayish black legs and feet, round eyes surrounded by rings of skin, which is how you can easily identify them. The female rock pigeon lays two eggs in a nest lined with sticks, leaves, stems, roots, and debris, which I will get.
Nests is a super loose term.
It is a loose term because it's kind of like a morning dove where I've literally seen a morning dove have one stick and lay an egg beside it. And it's like, I have a nest, guys.
Pat on the little wing on the back.
Not a nest made.
Not a nest, yeah, not at all. In the wild, though, the nests are built in a cliff, you know, if they were ever really in the wild. I mean, way back in the day they were, but not anytime soon.
In cities and towns, a nest is placed on the window ledges, on roofs, traffic lights, under bridges, basically anywhere else they could lay a stick. Fun fact, because there's literally only one cool thing about these birds. The rock pigeon and other birds in the columbidae family, columbidae, have a unique way of drinking water, which I didn't know this.
Most birds take a sip of water and then throw it back into their heads to swallow, but rock pigeons have a, have a, use its bill like a straw to suck up water. Yeah. So they, I mean, at least they have that going for them.
That's cool.
Yeah, little, little built-in straw. All right. So I, I've, I don't even know how many times I've said I don't like pigeons.
Well, so I want to say that they are dumb. However, I mean, not just like the homing pigeon thing. So let me just, let me continue.
Because that is, that is, the homing pigeon thing is cool, but they don't, they're not as dumb as they appear, even though I constantly say that they're dumb. It's kind of like my dog. Like I love my 13-year-old dog, Toby, but we constantly say he just has that one brain cell that's working for him, because that really is all he has going for him.
He's so cute, but you can tell there's just not much going on upstairs whatsoever. But, and that's how I feel a lot of times about pigeons, is you just look at them and you're just like, just nothing's happening up there. However, new research has actually shown that there's more going on up in their noggin than we originally anticipated.
Are you going to refute your own animal that you don't like?
I still don't like it, and I still could do without them because of the number of diseases and just grossness that they are because they're constantly just, I don't know, rat birds. Like, they're flying rats for a reason. But, utilizing the same tiny brain that allows them to never forget where a quote unquote home is, research is also pointing to pigeons never forget a face.
Like a crow.
Yes. So, the study was done over 10 years ago now, and I've made fun of a lot of pigeons since 2011, so I'm basically screwed. In 2011, research out of Glasgow proved that feral, untrained pigeons can recognize individual people and are not fooled by change of clothes or anything else.
Whoa. So, pigeons do this by using, they have shown by facial characteristics. Even people that are fairly similar looking doesn't fool pigeons.
Now, it is important to note that it is feral pigeons we're talking about, because I guess pigeons already had this reputation within labs of never forgetting faces. So, I mean, like, imagine if you're in a lab and pigeons don't forget your face. Like, I don't know how you could experiment, right, every day.
So, by knowing that they don't forget a face in the lab, researchers moved to the streets of Paris' city center, where, if you've ever seen pictures, there's so many pigeons in the city center. In this experiment, pigeons were fed by two researchers of similar build and skin color, but they were each wearing different colored lab coats. One individual simply ignored the pigeons, allowing them to feed, while the other was hostile and chased them away.
And yes, they used the word hostile. This was followed by a second session when neither chased away the pigeons. All right, so the experiment, which was repeated several times, showed that pigeons were able to recognize the individuals and continued to avoid the researchers who had chased them away even long after they, like, stopped doing so.
So they chased them once, that pigeons still never went near them again.
Burned them once. They don't forgive. Pigeons don't forgive.
Don't forgive.
That's what I was going to say.
It's not only that they don't forgive. They don't forgive. Unforgiving pigeons.
Awesome band name, unforgiving pigeons.
Yes.
So swapping lab coats during the experiments did not confuse the pigeons, and they continued to shun. And yes, that is the scientific word that they use. So we have pigeon shunning, the research who was initially hostile.
So why don't I, could I, why could I just do without pigeons? Because I put them in the same categories, but also higher on my to do without list than like seagulls. Because gulls, like, yeah, they're dumb.
They steal my thrashers, amazing french fries and stuff. But I, I can still don't record this, but still kind of can deal with liking gulls. However, pigeons are just, they're just pigeons.
Yeah, they're just, they're just, yeah, they're just dumb. There's just nothing going on.
They do. I don't know.
I have to look how many different diseases and stuff they can carry. But I mean, they're constantly just around just random crap. They have, they can carry more than 60 varieties of diseases.
Yikes.
But it is rare that many of these are fatal to humans. However, I mean, if they don't forget, and I've been making fun of pigeons for the last 10 years.
They've got it out for you anyway.
They have to have it out for you. This is like my Rainbow Lorikeet incident. Like how Rainbow Lorikeets have literally in, in within zoos and even in the freaking wild have chased me.
And have I told that story here yet on this?
No, not on the podcast.
So, okay, real quick, because I'm telling you, pigeons are coming for me next. Rainbow Lorikeets are somehow going to talk to pigeons, and it's where it's going to get out. So we were in college.
I was at Cleveland Metropark Zoo, and I, there was a friend of ours who was working there, Laura and I, I don't know if you were in my class or not, but we were up there doing a research project, basically research grunts. And so I was up there, and on the weekend I was like, yeah, I'll just go to the zoo, do some more research and stuff, just help the grad students out with whatever they need to. We were groundhogs for them, you know.
So whenever we were there, I went to go visit my friend who actually worked there, and she was in the Rainbow Lorikeet walkthrough. You know where you walk through and you hold up the cup, you feed them and everything. All right, fine and dandy.
Go in there, and she's like, hey, they're all really good, but just FYI, because you're dressed like a keeper and stuff, she's like, there's this one who's kind of scruffy looking, and he's kind of a jerk, so if he gets near you, just ignore him. So sure enough, within seconds, here comes this jerk of a Rainbow Lorikeet lands on my shoulder, and he starts biting my ear. I didn't have earrings in or anything, so I tried to scoot him away off my shoulder, nicely but firmly, and try to bat him off my shoulder.
Wham, right on my hand. Bit the crap out of me. So I finally went like, wow, really shoved him off my shoulder.
He comes back. I'm like, damn you. So I had a radio on me.
It just went bam, and whipped it off again, like nicely, because there's public around, but also like, don't bite me. Next thing I know, three, four, five, they all started swarming me.
I had to leave. I had to...
Friend.
Yeah, they told everybody.
So, fast forward, all right? I tried that one more time going in there, and same thing, I was swarmed. They just don't like me, all right?
Fast forward, probably about five months after this incident happened, I'm at the National Aviary doing some research with a person, one of the head conservation research things. We did some Peregrine Falcon research and stuff up there. And so the first time that I met him, we were going over the research stuff, he's like, hey, have you been to the end of the aviary and stuff?
I was like, ah, it's been years. I grew up in the area, but it's been years since I've actually been in here. He's like, well, I'll take you for a little tour.
Just walk around, talk about bird nerd and out here. And he's like, oh, Rainbow Lorkeets. And so I jokingly tell him about this story.
I'm like, they all attacked me. I don't know what it was. That one bird just told all of his friends, kind of just laughed about it a little bit.
And we went, and he's like, oh, that's funny. Ha ha ha, let's go in. I want to show you, talk so we can go in there.
No freaking joke. I get swarmed by him again. And they all, at first, they're all nice.
I don't know if they sense my pissed off-ness or something. But just start biting it. It's always my ears, my shoulders, everything.
Start biting it. I'm just like, I gotta get out of here. So whapping off Rainbow Lorkeets.
All right. Go to Australia.
In the wild. Where are Rainbow Lorkeets?
Across the world.
Across the world. Where are these birds, you know, fly? In flocks of hundreds.
I'm in Cairns, Far North East Queensland, Australia. And I'm like telling these guys, and we see them in the distance, in these trees. And I'm like laughing, like, listen to me.
I go, I have been bit by Rainbow Lorkeets. I don't know what it is.
They just don't like me.
I was like, it's just, I don't know if it's like pheromones, whatever, it's not deodorant, like stuff had changed. You know, nothing was the same. Didn't have an earring, nothing.
Out there, out and about, start walking. And they're all like laughing, and they're like, and there's, we see this huge tree with like all these Lorkeets in it.
They're like, just go walk by the tree.
And I'm like, guys, this is a really bad idea. They're like, no, just walk by the tree. It's fine.
They're all, they're wild. I'm like, I don't know. I'm telling you, bad idea.
I'm like, whatever. Go walk by the tree. I kid you not.
I probably got within 20, 30 feet of that tree, and they all flew out of the tree and came right towards me to the point where I had to run back to like where all the little shops were and go into like one of the little, the fire rainbow.
Right?
But I had to go into one of the, um, crap, what's it called? Uh, not a hostel. Um, to be like, I had to run into the front of the hostel, and like the guy's like, look at me, he's like, are you okay?
You know, thinking I might just be mugged or something. I'm like, I'm being chased by a flock of rainbow lorikeets in my very, very English accent. And so he's just like, uh-huh.
Like, looks at me like I'm psycho. And I'm like, no, I'm serious. Next thing you know, like, like out of a cartoon, you see, like, a whole flock just go like, down and by the door.
Like, just waiting.
They're all like, into the wall with their beaks, like, sticking in.
We were just waiting.
So sure enough, like, later on we go, like, also in Australia, we're at this, like, little area. There's like a little touristy area, and they have a bunch of these little zoos and stuff. And we're with a few of our professors, and they're like, hey, do you guys want to go through this walkthrough rainbow lore keeping?
I'm like, no. And they're all, they're like, they're all the check line, like, oh, come on, Katy, it's not that bad. And like, the people that were with me, three or four others that were with me that night, they're like, no, seriously.
She just, she told us that they hate her, and we just saw it for real. She got swarmed. And sure enough, like, still to this day, they just, I, it's got to be like a pheromone or something that I put off that they just do not, they just don't like me.
And so I feel like one of these days, I'm going to be swarmed by pigeons, and it's going to be the same thing that I've, I'm just not going to be safe.
You wear a mask every time you go outdoors.
Every time. Good grief. But pigeons are dumb.
They carry diseases. They're flying grass. I just, I, again, it's just one of those animals that just shouldn't irk me, but it just does.
I just don't, I could just do without them.
Yeah. No, I feel you. I, I feel you.
Cause I got, I mean, that's why I don't like some of my animals. There's really no reason other than just personal.
My pigeon, my pigeon dislike.
It's personal.
Sounds like a personal problem.
Because it is.
Speaking of personal problems, my first one is llamas. As we all know.
You hate llamas.
I just had to choose one of the camelids. And I was like, okay, what's worse, not packer or a llama? And I decided it was the llama because they're bigger.
So a little bit of quick few things about natural history if you don't know about llamas. They're native to the highlands of the Andes Mountains, but they are not wild. Humans made llamas, essentially.
Which I still think is weird. Wait, what?
We intentionally made llamas. Like we, there were wild like guanacos and stuff.
Oh, okay, okay, because I was like, wait, how do we? Yeah.
Okay, because it's like, how do we make?
Suddenly we're god.
I'm sure they felt like it. Well, they are camelid, which are camels, alpacas, llamas, guanacos. And llamas are the largest member of the South American ones.
I just have to keep saying, on the fourth day, the Chileans made, or wait, Peruvians, Peruvians made llamas. I just, it just keeps, I don't say it's going to keep stewing in my brain. Continue.
They've got long necks, skinny legs, and long fur. They live in herds, they're herbivores, and humans domesticated them for pack animals, meat, and wool. All right, now that that's over, why can I do without them?
I have a whole list. Okay, bullet pointed. Bullet pointed.
Number one, dumb scientific name. Llama-glamma, all right? Llama-glamma, yeah.
Llama-glamma. Okay, dumb. Secondly, they look stupid.
Llamas have.
And if you guys don't follow Useless Farms on TikTok, I'm not on TikTok a whole lot anymore, but dude, her, I mean, it's in the name, Useless Farms, but she had, they're alpacas, aren't they?
Yeah, I think so. But they all look the same.
Yeah, they do.
Derpy ears. They look like they've been stretched out, like taffy, like their necks are too long, their legs are too long and skinny.
I don't even know if Derpy does it justice, though. Like just, they do look dumb.
They have vacant looking eyes. And the worst is that they can have a serious underbite and look insane. Well, that's why brazy teeth just like.
That's why I brought up useless farms, because you have to go follow her. At least go look up the account, because the one that she has that she's constantly making fun of is named Michael. And it is so funny, because she's always like, Michael, Michael in his face, so I was like, her?
Yeah, they've got these ridiculous underbites and their teeth are all snaggly.
Nothing's going on in Michael's head. You've got useless farms. Just looking up, nothing's going on in his brain.
They walk weird. It's like very lurching, like all the camels' family. They have talons on their feet.
They have, Katy, if you, I never have before now, but look up a llama skull. It's horrific. It's not even camel skull, but it's pretty scary, because it's like, nose is all wrong, and they have, I didn't know they have incisors that look like fangs.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I knew that they were like deer and only had teeth on the bottom and the front.
I don't know, I don't think they look as scary. They don't look as scary as some other ones. Yeah, camels are definitely way worse.
I just think they just, I don't know, their skulls to me just look as dumb as their faces do.
Also, what's worse than a llama? Two llamas, and there's always more than one. Because they are always in herds.
They make ridiculous vocalizations. They're always making like weird moans and things like... Just like, no.
Yeah, they are weirdly vocal.
And they really don't have a distinct ecosystem role. So like, it's nothing that I could do without them. The world.
I have a few like that too, though, that they serve no purpose.
I guess, you know, humans made them to carry things, but we have donkeys for that.
Yeah, and donkeys do serve. Donkeys are great alert systems. They are very protective.
Also, apparently, there are llamas. Llamas apparently are great guard dogs, yada yada.
As good as a donkey.
They don't have any, like in the ecosystem, they fulfill the same role as a deer, it says. And they already are deer.
Save the deer, kill the llamas.
But the absolute reason for sure that I absolutely could get rid of llamas this very instant is the spitting. It's completely unnecessary, absolutely disgusting, because it's not really spit, it's vomit. Vomiting.
Like just hurl in your face if they get upset. And they're so mean about it. They put their ears back, and they put their noses up in the air, like they're better than you, and then tsss right in your face.
And with good aim too. Such good aim. You know what's grosser than that, though, is camels, because they have that sack that they regurgitate, and it's like, that is way grosser than spitting for me.
Because then they make this sound with it too, it's like, it's way so gross.
I just chose llamas as the worst. So you won't see me, although I think I have, I feel like my mom got me some, like, fa-la-la-la llama llamas.
That's awesome.
I don't know.
That's not funny.
See, if I were...
To be fair, to be fair, I have raised one baby llama. She was adorable. It's when they become adults, that they're disgusting.
I mean, I feel like if I ever had a llama, it would be the same thing as useless farms. I would never do that because I like the freedom of not having the responsibility of being stuck in one spot where I can't go on vacation or anything like that. But if I would have a farm, I would have goats and llamas, and I would have literally a duplicate of useless farms, just a bunch of useless animals.
And the llamas would have to be one of them because they are just so uniquely dumb that I would have to have them.
Their wool isn't as good as an alpaca's wool. Like, it's just...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have to have a llama.
So no, no llamas for me. Yeah.
They are dumb. Alrighty. Well, the second one that I could do without, wasps.
So...
I think a lot of people would agree with you.
Yes. Now, wasp is just a broad name for a group of hundreds of thousands of species, consisting from anywhere from the narrow-waisted, the apricotia, whatever. Yeah.
Actually, we have a whole bunch of those at work.
Oh, do you? Really? In that family, or whatever it is.
Yeah, it's a real thin body. Ranging up to, like, the typical wasp that you think of. So there's, again, hundreds of thousands of species.
For some perspective on the number of wasps, or should I say, unnumbered of wasps, because we don't really know, almost every one of the some 1,000 species of tropical fig trees has its very own specific fig wasp that has co-evolved with it and pollinates it, which, to be fair, other things pollinate it, so let's not start a whole save the wasp pollination thing. Okay, because other things can still pollinate.
Because I do like figs.
I could do without figs.
I could do without them.
Yeah, nobody really needs to eat. No one ever really needs to eat a fig. Okay, so why don't I like wasps except for the obvious sting?
Most of the time, you're freaking not even doing anything. I think the worst, no, I know the worst wasp sting that I ever had was at the zoo when I was walking an intern back, which was somebody that we both know. No, we'll cut our name out, but it was Alexa.
So I was walking Alexa back to her interview for the internship, and there was just a wasp chilling. I went to move the gate to go back to her office, like a big wooden rolling gate, and there was just a wasp in the end of that pipe making a nest, just hanging out. And as soon as I opened that gate, that rumble and that vibration, pissed it off enough, came flying out of there and stung me right on the forehead, like right on the forehead.
Absolutely uncalled for. I didn't know he was in there.
I would have left him alone if I knew he was.
Anyway.
I think the heat will do things to you, man. Like, the southern animals, they're probably meaner.
I feel like things are hot. The heat. This person, this person rumbled my house.
I'm gonna kill her.
I can't take it.
Yeah, I'm gonna kill her. Anyway, but yeah, so their sting is horrible. But besides stinging, many wasps are parasites.
That I can't handle.
Yep.
Can't handle it.
Females deposit eggs on or in a host anthropod on which the larvae then feed. Some larvae start off as like little parasites, but convert at a later stage to consuming the plant or whatever anthropod plant tissues that their host is feeding on. In other species, the eggs are laid directly into plant tissues and form galls, which protect the developing larvae from predators, but not necessarily from other parasitic wasps, which is so pointless then.
In some species, the larvae are predatory themselves, so basically their babies are just out there eating everything, including each other.
So I've seen a parasitized caterpillar, and I thought I was going to die. Oh, really? I can't even look at stuff like that.
It gives me the heebie-jeebies.
It's so gross. Like, I can't see.
If something's not supposed to have, like, tumors, growths, whatever on it, you don't want to see it.
Just can't do it.
There's something, like, visceral. Like, I cannot look at, like, enlarged tics all over an animal. No.
Gross.
I saw a caterpillar once, and I was like, I'm just going to start sending you random pictures of this stuff now.
I hate you. So, when I looked up, and I don't know why people say looked up anymore. Like, I'm not pulling out my 1995 Encyclopedia Britannica.
You know what I mean? Like, anyway, I'm googling. When I googled, do we even need wasps?
Basically, a bunch of websites were like, pollinators, but not really. Like, there's so many other things that are better pollinators than these guys are. They're not even good.
And when they say they specialize in pollinating pigs, if they're pollinating anything at all, other websites said that if we didn't have wasps, the world would be overrun by insect pests. Aren't wasps insect pests, though?
Ha ha ha!
I guess it depends on who you're talking to. But yeah, I mean, I know that, like, they're definitely probably population control.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. Because one, who out there doesn't think that a wasp is a pest? Nobody.
Another website also said that yellow jackets feed their young dead insects. So if we didn't have them, dead insects would just pile up everywhere, which I totally call BS on that one. Because while yellow jacket babies may eat a lot of dead insects, it's not so many.
They're having all of them.
Right? It's not so many that they're on their own Captain Planet squad saving Earth from the perils of dead insect bodies. So that's just a bunch of bullcrap there.
I might not be able to deal... So maybe I don't agree with you of all wasps, but I could do without yellow jackets.
I could do without wasps altogether.
Like the finger wasps, mud daubers, thread-waisted, whatever.
But we don't need them! We don't need them. Most of those aren't even good.
The ones you just named aren't even pollinators. They don't really serve. They don't serve a purpose, but to be annoying.
And distinct people. I've been stung by a wasp, but I don't remember what kind it was. But it hurt really bad.
I was stung twice by wasps.
At least a bee, I feel bad.
Because I'm like, you know what?
It hurt, but you're saving a planet.
The yellow jackets can all burn and die. Yellow jackets have it out for you. It's personal for them.
You can totally just be doing your own thing. I didn't even get near their nest and have been stung in the face. For no reason.
For no reason. Dude, you remember in Ohio, there's the wasps that have the ground nests.
The yellow jackets are in the ground.
Yeah, and you're just walking, and I've gotten the freaking...
My sofa... Dang it, there it goes again. What is happening with this?
I wonder if it's mine.
No, I think it's mine, because every time I unplug the headphones... Anyway, so my sophomore year, we were clearing out this bunch of invasive plants. So we were going through this plot.
I don't even remember what an invasive plant it was. But anyway, going through, cutting it all out and everything like that, and I had on wool hiking socks, and just boots and shorts, because I'm a nerd like that. And sure enough, boom, right on a yellow jacket, nest in the ground, wool socks, dude.
They got stuck in my socks. And so the amount of stinging, it was just one after another after another. My ankle and my lower leg.
My lower chest doesn't come off.
No, it doesn't. And so they just keep freaking stinging. So it's like right from my lower calf down to like my ankle bone.
Just it was so swollen and so gross. I had to ice that thing. It was so bad.
Every summer, we have kids, if the nature gets stung by yellow jackets, because we go off trail to do some fun stuff.
Yes.
But if you have not scouted that area ahead of time, or they go where you're telling them not to go, bam, nailed. And multiple times.
Not the kids' little jerks. Yellow jackets.
But yeah, yellow jackets can all burn. The other ones, I don't care. We have some paper wasps that keep trying to make a nest in the xylophone.
This is the craziest place to build a nest because kids play it. It's so loud.
And I'm like, what are you guys doing?
I have to go out there. And at first, I did the whole spray them and run thing. And they realized they weren't going to do anything.
So now I just take a stick and I whack it down, and then they just stay there, and they're all looking around confused. What just happened? Like, I now realize that they're just not very intelligent, or they've all been brain damaged from the sound.
Yeah, right.
Just all that... One of my fondest memories of my dad was whenever we were growing up, and there was a wasp nest, a paper wasp nest, that was like the big hanging ones that they were making and stuff. And it was on a tree right beside our driveway.
And so my dad would eventually drove by it one day with his window up, and they were just banging on the side of his car door. Because they build those nests quick. And so they build it pretty fast.
And so my dad, listen, he's a man. Sometimes they get these ideas, and it's just a guy thing. So he had, because he was an electrician, he had for work fire-resistant clothing and stuff.
So he goes and gets that. He gets a can of lighter fluid. Me and my sister are just upstairs, looking out our front window over our second floor bedroom.
We're just watching him.
That must make a flame thrower.
Yes, essentially. Just doused that whole nest while they were sleeping, because it was night. So it was pitch black out.
And we live in the middle of nowhere, so it is black outside. Lighter fluid, match, the whole nest, everything. I do not recommend animal violence, but it was really funny, because as soon as that thing caught, he took off running, because the wasp came out ready to kill.
And those probably... So I learned not too long ago that the paper wasps build the umbrella paper nest. Those ones are either bald-faced hornets or European wasps.
They also build the big bald nests of paper. The paper wasps have an open face.
They're open, yeah. What was one of the bald ones? I don't remember what it was.
That's European hornet or bald-faced. Those are nasty. Dude, and they were.
And those hornet hornets are huge. We find them under the logs sometimes at work, and the kids are like, whoa, they're at least as big as your thumb. Like my thumb, anyway.
That's huge.
You're like, is this a murder hornet?
For those of you who have never seen Laura, she actually has really ginormous thumbs.
Yeah, Laura's thumb. As big as Laura's thumb.
As big as Laura's big thumbs. But that is like such a dad thing to be like, you know, there's a thousand other ways that he could have solved that. Yeah, just anything else.
No, he wanted to, he had to light it on fire, and I'm pretty sure he lit it on fire. And then, you know, like I've shared about the wood burrowing bees, how he hit them with whiffle ball bats. There was definitely a bat involved.
Like, you like burn it as it's like still smoldering, hits it down with something, and then just like keeps like, like to tamp it out, yeah.
It was fun for him. I mean, I don't know if he got stung one day and just pissed him off or what. But wasp, I could totally do without wasp.
I cannot tell you when the last time was I ate a fig. So they're not that near and dear to my heart. I could care less about figs.
So don't eat them.
Okay, well, I will go with... How about I'll do my insect now. Mine is the bot fly.
Because absolutely no reason this should exist. In fact, it's a nightmare. So it was a struggle for me to not have just a list of just nothing but parasites.
Because I could do without all of them. But in particular, there's two that always come to my mind. I chose this one, the bot fly, because this is one of my nightmares.
So natural history. Bot flies are all in the family Austridae, and there are 26 species of them in the US and Canada. Which I did not know.
No, I didn't know that either.
What is really messed up is that although they are flies, they're all bee mimics, okay? They all look like bumblebees.
Bee, oh, bee mimics, okay.
Yeah, they're bee-like in that they're hairy, but they don't really have bristles. Their larvae are parasitic. They're either black or dark blue, segmented, and of course they're maggots because they're baby flies.
They are specialized to parasitize different species or groups of animals such as horse, deer, rabbit, sheep, rodent, cows, and humans. Cheese. And then just to throw a term out there that I could do without, I think you would say this, myasis, which is the infestation of maggots.
Like, when something is infested with maggots, like in the human body, I should say, because, you know, asis is like swelling, so myasis.
I even gag like when they use maggots. I know it serves a purpose when they use it medically to like, oh, nope, can't, to eat away the dead skin, nope, gonna vomit, going to vomit.
I'll die first.
Yeah, I will die first, because I could not sit there, even though they're like, but they're like, oh, it's saving your life. No, you put me under, because I will not, could not, just the thought of knowing could be completely covered up, but the thought of knowing what is happening.
Something's eating you.
Absolutely not.
That is the height of something eating me. I can't know that. Without.
Only in certain circumstances. Okay, this, adults are deceptively cute, okay? Nothing should look like a fuzzy little bumblebee, and then do what it does.
Okay, that's just cruel. So, it slikes you out. And then, so like I said, this animal is my nightmare.
I could actually hardly research it. Katy, I had to keep looking away from the screen.
It is disgusting. I'm honestly surprised that you did choose this one, just because it is so disgusting.
Goodbye, keep looking at it and learn more about it. So, let me quick share some horror stories with you, and then we'll move on.
I don't know, but I wanna know.
The lump. The lump that forms where the larva is living under the skin is called a warble. Which makes me wanna think.
Warble.
A warble, like a warbling bird sounds pretty, but warble makes me think of the skin warbling.
Yeah.
Like a wobbly bubble.
Yeah.
So, guys, you might be wondering. So like I said, their babies are parasitic. So what happens is either the botfly lays its eggs directly on something.
That's not usually what happens. Usually what happens is that the botfly lays their eggs on something, then the animal passes by. The eggs end up on that animal.
They feel the heat, they hatch, they dig in, and they are in there until they're ready to be grownups.
They just, when they finally feel like they're ready to be grownups, you know what? I feel like having responsibility. They just break out.
Break out.
They pupate usually in the soil, and then they emerge with wings. Okay, so, um, warble, ugh. Horse ones.
Just your face every time. Ha ha ha.
Horse spot flies are ones that specifically live in a horse's stomach and intestines until they're pooped out. Ugh.
That's very specific.
And that fly just lays them on, like, the horse's legs or somewhere, so the horse licks them, and then just eats the eggs, and then they live inside of it.
Which is gross enough.
Yeah, it can cause what is called the blind staggers in some animals, like sheep. Because they grow in the sheep's nostrils and are actually impairing brain function, and they can make them seem like they're going blind and stagger around like they're drunk.
Shit, that's so gross.
So gross.
Even worse, the squirrel bot fly, there's one that it specifically attacks the squirrel's scrotum and can castrate them.
What?
It's so, that one seems so personal.
Like, think of anywhere that they could be living.
They're like right there.
Ears, tails.
Right there on that scrotum. Seems like a good place. And then the poor squirrel just castrated.
The human one, which thank God we do not have here in America. It's native to Central and South America. I'm so sorry for listeners who are from Central and South America.
Which we do have listeners from Central and South America. Sorry, guys.
I can only imagine. The human one lays her eggs, I didn't know this, on a mosquito or other insect who then bites us or deer or livestock, because it's all the same one. Our body warmth causes them to hatch and they burrow into the skin.
And then, maybe the worst part is at the center of the warble, there is a small hole through which the larva extends its breathing tubes.
I made a snorkel, a snake, a skin snorkel.
Like a rabbit, oh, skin snorkel, Katy, oh my gosh, it's so foul.
Yeah, like a little reed under the water, only it gets through your skin and it looks like-
That's so disgusting.
But, like if you look at pictures, it's its rear end sticking out of the hole.
Ugh, that's so gross. But meanwhile, we're all disgusted by it. Meanwhile, it's in there just like trying, it's like, I'm going to live.
Just trying to breathe, trying to survive. That's disgusting.
I'm telling you right here and now, like you said about the maggots, if I at all thought there was a butt fly in my skin-
Off with my arm.
Pluck it.
I would cut it out. There's no way I wouldn't-
No hesitation.
Knowing that thing was in my arm.
Nope. No way.
I don't care, like irrational or not, infection risk or not, it's out. It's gone.
It's gone. I have some pretty sharp knives. I can handle it.
Like no, no thank you.
And that's the butt fly and how they should never exist.
Never, ever exist, so this one, I'm gonna keep going with inverts here. So in this one, I have talked about it and I have talked about it in a very personal way, tics.
Yes, this is one that I also considered. Because who does think tics should exist? There's no one that thinks that.
I challenge anyone, please listeners, if somebody is a tic fan out there, please let me know. I would be so interested in why you're a tic fan.
There's no, there's no, no reason, no reason. Okay, so first off, if you are listening to our anti-bucket list episode, again, we're in season five. We're just gonna tell you where, approximately what episode it is.
You're gonna have to find it on your own. We have too many episodes now at this point. But the anti-bucket list episode, you'll know that on more than one occasion, I've had tics in my danger zone and just, no, I've had them in my back.
Yeah, I had a cousin with one inner ear.
Ugh, just, they get everywhere. All right, so that's completely uncalled for. Tics in danger zones, uncalled for.
Same as a wasp, just don't be such a jerk. All right, because honestly, there were plenty of other places on my body that a tic could nestle up besides my danger zone. I have several other warm crevices.
So many other ones. Yeah, so many other places. Why?
Just why? Pick another spot. All right, natural history.
There are 850 different tic species in the world, 80 of which are found here in the US alone. As a vector species, and a vector species is being one animal that transmit a disease from one animal to another.
The middle man, if you will.
The middle man, the middle man.
Tics transmit numerous diseases to the most well-known around in the US and troublesome here are Lyme's disease and Rocky Mountain Tic fever. Tics are external parasites living by feeding on blood of mammals, birds, and sometimes reptiles and amphibians even. The timing of origin of tics is uncertain, which I thought was interesting.
Though the oldest known tic fossils are from the crustacean period, about 100 million years old. So tics find their host. Now, this one, this is right.
You might be feeding on a dinosaur, gross.
Right? But this one I did, I don't want to say that it's cool because I just wish another animal would do this. Let's just say that.
So tics find their host by detecting an animal's breath and body odor, sensing heat, moisture, or vibrations. A common misconception about tics is that they jump onto their host or that they fall from trees. However, they're incapable of flying or jumping.
Many tics, they don't fly. Many tics species, goodness, right? Particularly, I, I don't know, exo-day, exo-day-day?
I don't know. But these ones, they lie and wait in a position known as questing. While questing, tics cling to leaves and grasses by their third and fourth pair of legs, so like the back legs.
They hold out their first pair of outstretched legs, just waiting to grasp on to something and climb on to any passing hope. All right, that's all I was like, okay. Now if they like, if like a jumping spider did that, yeah, anything else, jumping spider, hey guys, cause you put your, just like, pick me up, pick me up.
Like, no, so gross. So ticks questing heights tend to be correlated with the size of the desired host. Nymphs and small species tend to quest close to the ground where they may encounter small mammals or bird hosts.
Adults climb higher into vegetations where larger hosts may be encountered. So some species are hunters.
Which again, just jerks.
That's uncalled for, yeah.
Right?
So, as cute as that is, like I have said so many times, two of my biggest reasons. One, we just don't, we just don't need them. They serve absolutely no purpose.
Yeah, especially because that whole thing with the opossums eating ticks just got busted, that they don't do that.
Yeah, they don't.
So like for sure now they're not even food for an opossum.
Yeah, like they just... And let's just say all of a sudden all the ticks were wiped out, an opossum's gonna find something else to eat. Yeah.
Like, so it's not like they're the only, but we don't need them. Why they have to go into my danger zone completely uninvited, mind you.
It's the disease thing for me. Like, thanks.
Yeah, like Lyme's disease, Rocky Mountain tick fever.
Nothing we can do about it.
I almost lost... I think I shared that story once on here. One of my supervisors, she almost died, and nobody knew...
like anaplasmosis is really bad. That's like toxoplasmosis. It's like malaria, but tick version.
No, she had Rocky Mountain. She had Rocky Mountain, it messed with her brain. They had to put her in a medically-induced coma, per se, but really knock her out because she was having all kinds of complications.
And they didn't really know what was going on, and that was the only thing... It's kind of like Lyme's disease, where you can have all these symptoms, and they're just taking a guess.
Yeah, because you don't know.
You just don't know.
I thought I had... And the neurologist was like, maybe multiple sclerosis? I was like, holy crap!
Yeah.
Oh, just Lyme's disease.
Just Lyme's, yeah. So, yeah, disease-carrying, just disgusting little things. So many other places you could be.
Speaking of gross little things...
I'm so excited for what's next.
Chinese crested dogs.
Oh, yeah, you know what? I almost did a naked cat, the sphinx. I know you like them, but I almost didn't.
I like them. I don't. This dog is just gross to me.
So Chinese crested dogs, I'm really sorry out there to anybody who's got a Chinese crested dog. They might really be nice dogs.
I don't know. I don't think you have to apologize because I think people who have them kind of know.
So natural history, most of this came from the American Kennel Club. They're actually unsure where this breed originated, possibly Africa, and it's thought to have spread by Chinese merchant ships, hence the name. It was recognized as a toy breed of dog in 1991, stands 11 to 13 inches tall, and weighs only 8 to 12 pounds, so less than my cat.
They can either be hairless or have coats, either one, or like a kind of a mix of the two. They usually have spotted or splotched pink and black skin, a spiky crested hairdo, furry socks, and a feathery tail. All right, you'll just have to look it up.
Why could I do without them?
They're literally known for being the world's ugliest dog. There is a competition every June, and almost every June, a Chinese person does it. Yep, 24th, we just looked it up.
The 24th of June, world's ugliest dog. Check it out, it will haunt your dreams. People wear t-shirts with one of them on.
So, they're known for being ugly with their spotty skin.
I'm sorry, but the partially hairless...
The one that won...
Oh, go ahead.
But the one that won several years in a row, it was not only a Chinese crested dog, but it was an old Chinese crested dog. Yeah, like they're like... Yeah, and I'm sorry, but that's like...
There's no point where it's like, you gotta put that thing down.
But it looks like the undead. It looked like it had already died and crawled out of the grave. Like it looked like a zombie dog.
Yes, and there's like a point where you're like, you know what, quality of life here is...
Well, I think what makes this worse than the naked cat is that it is partially hairless. So this looks skeezy. It's like it's lost most of it, but not completely.
So it looks more like the undead. It actually does have a coated variety, like I said, called a powder puff. Like one, and I'm like, ugh, powder puff.
Gross. The hairless gene is dominant, but lethal. Okay, so two dominant genes equal a stillborn puppy.
So for you people out there who remember your planet squares, that's one fourth of puppies stillborn.
Jeez.
That's a lot. And seems really awful to even make anything go through that. Like, you're gonna breed.
Yeah. Okay, now health issues. As we know, most pre-bred dogs have some serious health issues.
And here's the Chinese Cresteds. Inherited eye problems, epilepsy. Their kneecaps can slip out of place.
They get leg, calf, parthus disease. And the fact that their hair looks...
What is that?
No idea. Just was like, oh, a disease. Got it.
And the fact that they're hairless can lead them to have skin allergies, sunburn, acne, and you have to put lotion all over them.
Ew, I would not want to lotion my hairless dog.
I know you have to do that for the cats, too, but it's just like, give me your...
You have to put suntan lotion all over them and help for an acne lotion. And they're known...
Like, their personality.
On the AKC, they've got some... Like, a slide of how much maintenance, how friendly, like, they've got scales. This one is known for having a sensitive personality.
Ug. The only thing I don't want about a dog is one that's super sensitive and gets its feelings hurt. Which is why I like cats so much, because they just don't care.
Usually. They'll hurt our feelings. Their feelings don't get hurt.
I don't want a sensitive dog. So yeah, Chinese Crested, I could do without them, and I feel like there would probably be a better place. We do a lot to poor dogs, like, breed-wise.
And that one is one that should have stopped a long time ago. Like, there's no... I'm sorry, there's no way that if we didn't have those right now, that somebody would be like, you know what we need?
A partially hairless dog. No one is going to be thinking that. No one.
They might be really nice dogs.
I don't know.
I haven't met one.
I doubt it. All right, my fourth one, the surname Surname Toad.
This is the one I could not believe we both wanted.
It's disgusting at the zoo, because one of our co-workers hated these.
I agree with her. I literally cannot watch this when it comes up on the Nature Channel. My back actually starts itching.
I cannot watch it.
Disgusting.
Kim was like, you guys are so weird.
No, this is disgusting.
What the actual hay bale. It's gross. All right, so this toad found in Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, French Guinea, Guyana, Peru, Suriname, which is where it gets its name from, Trinidad, Tobago, and Venezuela.
Its natural habitats are subtropical, tropical, moist, again, moist, lowland forests, subtropical and tropical swamps, just regular swamps apparently, freshwater marshes and intermittent freshwater marshes. So basically, I mean, it's wet. Yeah, it's wet.
It's got to be wet.
Because it's a frog.
Yeah. This toad looks like... It says called toad again, but it is a frog.
Well, it's called a toad, but it's definitely a frog.
Oh, perfect. Should we ask for any named animals episodes?
Well, I'm assuming it has to be a frog because it lives in the water. It's definitely a frog. I don't know why I'm questioning this.
It definitely has to be a frog. It's called a toad though. So this toad looks like a leaf having...
Like, it does have fantastic camouflage for where they can be found at the bottom of the water. So it looks like a leaf, which, you know, fallen leaf on the bottom of the water. Cool.
All right, great camouflage. That's the only good thing about them. All right, the species is...
They're omnivores. Diakons is mostly of invertebrates, such as worms, insects, crustaceans, and even some small fish, like teeny tiny fish. The toad has sensory organs in their fingertips, which help them catch prey, which I thought was kind of actually cool.
Serenade and toads are best known, though, for their reproductive habits. This is the one out of all the sex episodes that we have. This is by far the one that I would never talk about in good light because it is so disgusting.
Vomit-worthy.
I actually just got shivers because I can feel it. I don't know why I can feel it, but I can feel it.
So gross. Laura can feel their reproductive habits.
I can feel it.
It's gross. So unlike the majority of toads, the male of the species do not attract mates with croaks or other sounds often associated with aquatic animals. Instead, they produce a sharp clicking sound by snapping the hyoid bone in their throats, which I thought was kind of cool.
It's like they're actually, yeah, snapping bones.
Snapping my bones? No worries.
Don't mind me over here. Just trying to get a woman to snap at my bones.
Why do people listen to us?
All right, the clicking sound resembles kind of like a metal sound almost. The average rate of these clicks is four clicks per second.
Consisting of blocks of 10 to 20 seconds per period.
So that's pretty long.
A lot of break-in.
Alright, so thereafter, the male will grab the front legs of a female, causing the cloaca and the skin of the female to swell. Apparently, that's what gets her going.
That's not even funny.
There's just so many more jokes I could insert, but I'm not. I'm going to stop.
The barters rise from the floor.
There, the male will lay on his back with the female on top of him on her stomach. During the arc, the female releases three to ten eggs, which get embedded into the skin on her back by the male's movements. This can happen up to ten times.
Why would you ever let that happen to you?
On your back?
Stop flipping through the water. Dang.
Geez.
Yeah.
This was just a nasty side effect that turns out it worked, but, like, not what I meant.
So gross. So after implantation, the eggs sink into the skin and form pockets over a period of several days, eventually taking on the appearance of an irregular honeycomb, which makes me literally want to vomit right now. As we're both, like, holding back or throwing up, I'm going to keep reading.
The embryos develop to the tadpole stage inside these pockets. The young toads grow a tail during that growth, so that's how far that they get. However, these will only be temporary because they will need the tail for inhaling oxygen.
What? Interesting. That's what it said.
Oxygen? Anyway. Yeah.
Right? That's a long time to have...
It's so long...
.embedded in your back.
Freaky AF.
That's all I had to say about that.
I wish you were born a boy, sir, and not a toad.
But I also looked up why would they evolve this way, and there was really nothing. So the only thing that I could think of is that you think of other frogs and toads and everything like that, their eggs. A lot of other animals will eat their eggs.
Oh, yeah, and that's why they go numbers.
Yes, and that's why they...
They go little, but lots of care.
Yeah, little, but lots of care. So that's the only thing. It's as disgusting as it is.
I think that's the only thing. It ensures the survival of frogs that are... Vomit.
I hate watching them hatch from above.
It's so disgusting. Guys, if you have a pretty... If you guys have a...
Yeah, if you can do it, go watch it. S-U-R-I-N-A-M-E, toad. Just good luck.
It's the most disgusting thing I've ever... So gross. Continue, Laura.
Let's get that out of our brain.
Let's do... Penguins. What can you do without penguins?
I'm not surprised. I'm surprised it made your top list, but I'm not surprised you also have said this.
Yeah. Yeah. I love busting people's belief in penguins being adorable and amazing.
They're not.
I mean, yeah, sure, they can be cute, but again, at what cost? So natural history of penguins. There are 17 to 19 species, depending on who you ask, which is so dumb.
All are found in the southern hemisphere, but the Galapagos penguins, they can be found in cold or warm coastal habits. They're not necessarily the Arctic. They can't fly.
Instead, they waddle and swim. There are all some variation of black and white, torpedo shaped birds, anywhere from 15 inches to three and a half feet, and anywhere from two to 80 pounds. I did not know they could get to be 80 pounds.
That's terrifying. And they eat fish and other sea creatures. So, why could I do without them?
Again, bulleted list. Smelly. Definitely smelly.
Smell like fish because that's what they eat. Super duper messy. One penguin can poop six to eight times per hour.
Okay, so imagine a colony of penguins. Yuck.
All over the place, all the time.
Poop smells like fish. And they go through what's called a catastrophic molt, meaning they become feather ball explosions. They lose all their feathers at once, and that's incredibly messy.
Thankfully, they only do it once a year. They have sharp, serrated, spear-shaped beaks that are perfect for destroying human flesh.
It really is, speaking from experience.
Like, tear you open. Yeah, it hurts. Stab, bite, twist, pull.
Bruise. It bruises so bad, yeah.
Or just straight up, yeah, serrations. They're unpredictable and erratic, as almost all birds are. And you know what?
Dr. George Murray Levick in 1912 went to go study the Adelie penguins and summed them up the best way by calling them gangs of hooligan cocks. That is how I also would describe penguins. Because here's the thing.
Not all penguins. Lots of species do not mate for life. Many that do say they mate for life cheat.
They've been found cheating.
Penguins.
Adelie penguins practice prostitution for pebbles. Do anything for that rock. They will just go over and do it.
Sometimes they won't even actually. They'll just flirt and they'll trip and fall onto the guy's nest and just take a rock while they're down there. And walk away.
Oh, whoopsie.
And then also Adelie penguins have insanely, they have huge orgies and even participate in necrophilia. Desperate. And we're not talking about fresh penguins here.
We're talking about last year's frozen corpses.
A whole other level.
A whole other level. Those cute little penguins, necrophilia.
Think about that next time.
There are even, and so that's, I mean, I don't need any more reason than that they're erratic and they bite all the time. Those are just some other reasons. But there is a BuzzFeed article called 13 Reasons Why Penguins Suck.
So I'm not the only one. And there's a...
It's probably another keeper.
Probably. You can get a t-shirt on Amazon that's just called Penguins Suck. That's all it says on it.
Penguins Suck.
They're not good. They're not nice.
Not nice birds. Not nice at all. Demon birds, really.
Yeah. Well, that kind of is a good segue into my last one. Because it's last but certainly not least.
The last animal I could do without?
Which we've already talked about before.
We have already talked about this one before, so I just had to bring it up again, though. Why could I do without it? Pandas are found in southwest China, as temperate, broadleaf, and mixed forests.
There is an estimated 1,800 left in the wild. They stand about four feet tall and weigh between 200 and 300 pounds. They are a mammal and part of the bear family, of course, and are most iconic for their black and white parents.
Mating and gestation-wise, I'm not going to get too much into all of this, because, again, what was the episode? How are you still alive? How are you still alive?
I went in-depth about why pandas should not be alive. Black and white appearance, first of all, just so stupid.
Dumb camouflage.
Dumb camouflage. Gestation, they only give birth to one young a year. Twins can happen, but only one survives.
That young stays with her for up to three years, so it's just not practical. Their diet, pandas feed almost exclusively on bamboo. And one would think that if they have such a specialized diet, that their gut would be specialized, too.
No, it's not. So they're just dumb. But besides those things, let's see here.
I don't want to talk too much about it, because we already talked a lot about the digestive and everything. So just go back and listen to How You're Alive. But what is the major reason I could do without them?
Yeah, why is this personal?
Why is this one personal? It's because the amount of money that is dumped into their conservation, when they should really be extinct. Like, humans are the only reason why that they're...
Well, one, humans are kind of a big reason why they were going extinct anyway. But we also dump, because they are one of those charismatic, iconic species, we dump so much money, a ridiculous amount of money into their conservation. It's just too much when there are other animals that really play such an important role in the ecosystem.
Like pandas, they eat a lot of bamboo. There's other animals that eat bamboo. I mean, humans are doing a really good job of keeping bamboo up, anyway, with deforestation.
Horrible. But they don't really serve a huge purpose.
But it's the amount of money that goes into them whenever there are insanely important species that we could slash should be saving. But all those funds are just going towards the big iconic ones and the charismatic species. So that's just, I mean, as much as I like pandas, they are cute.
They're really dumb, which is hilarious. That dumb is hilarious to me if you just watch any videos of pandas. But it's just how much money they get dumped in.
So that was one that if they went extinct, I'd be like, nah, it's a shame, but it's just too much money is being dumped into them. It's not spread out like it should be. So that is why, that is why I could do without them.
It's not so much them personally, it's that we just, we need to do better at shifting conservation. But you see a cute animal and everyone's like, take all my money. We just have to do better.
Yeah, yeah. Well, my last one, speaking of cute, chubby animals, I could absolutely do without hamsters.
They are kind of jerks.
Some of you out there might be like, what? What could you possibly have against hamsters? Yeah, let me tell you.
So natural history wise, there are 24 species of hamsters. Most common pet is the golden hamster, aka teddy bear hamster, aka Syrian hamster. Hamsters were first discovered in Syria, but they also can be found in Greece, Romania, Belgium, and northern China.
Did we do something else on the hamsters before?
On the hamsters?
You've been in Texas too long, my friend.
That was three syllables.
Like, hamsters.
Because I paused to think about it too, because I was like, did we? Then I started doubting myself, because your face went blank, so I was like, maybe we didn't.
I swear we did something else on hamsters.
Are you sure?
I don't think so. We did it on gerbils.
Oh, gerbils, gerbils.
Yeah, one pet one.
Yeah, same thing.
They are very similar. So they live in warm, dry areas. They are small rodents, four to twelve and a half inches.
Twelve and a half inches is a respectable size hamster.
That's far too large.
Yeah, that's a lot bigger than what I thought it would be.
They've got, basically though, they're known for their short legs, small ears and stubby tail. They come in a couple of colors. They were first brought to the United States in 1936.
They are nocturnal. They burrow. Some are social, and some are very territorial.
And they are omnivores with pouched cheeks. Okay, what can I do without them? Why do I not like hamsters?
Since they have poor vision, I didn't know this, but ugh. Since they have poor vision, they rub their oily, smelly backs on everything they find to find their way around. Because they can't see very well.
Rub on everything to mark their scent.
Meanwhile, there's people cleaning up after them and everything, and they're like, I don't know where I am. Yeah, and just get lost.
They're constantly chewing because they're rodents whose teeth never stop growing, so they chew on everything. Hamsters are cannibalistic. As with many rodents, I knew people whose hamsters ate each other.
Yes.
The mothers will eat their babies. It is every hamster for himself out there.
My uncle had a hamster that they used to feed boogers.
That's disgusting. When they were kids.
My dad's brother, yeah.
I forget his name, but he ended up getting out and getting stuck in the back of a dryer anytime. I'm like a clothes dryer.
Because they're nocturnal, they run on that freaking wheel all night long. And every single one that I have ever known of or known personally, bites.
Bites, yeah.
Listen, I even looked this up on the Humane Society website. And the Humane Society's got best intentions about animals. The Humane Society states, a hamster awakened suddenly from a nap during the day may bite.
Therefore, hamsters need to be handled only with adult supervision by children under 8 years old. Okay. They come with a freaking warning on them.
All right, don't hand them out in an adult present.
It's a hamster.
Don't wake them up for a nap. Okay, because they're cranky.
Yeah, they're gonna be pissed off.
Since they sleep 12 to 14 hours a day, that's a lot of cranky hamster time.
That is a lot of cranky hamster time.
And like, I get it. Nobody likes to be woken up from a nap. But like, and they didn't ask to be pissed.
This isn't really their fault, but I can tell.
This isn't their fault.
And so the reason why this is real personal for me is that I have a scar. I still have it. It's on my finger.
And I was in sixth grade, and one of the teachers had a hamster for an inner class. His name was Chrissy. And it was cute and chubby.
And I got Chrissy out one day, and Chrissy clamped into my finger like it was a carrot stick. And I threw that hamster onto the ground, like dropped it.
Don't even blame you.
And was like done with hamsters for life. I have a big knot of scar tissue right here from that hamster. And like, yeah, I've known lots of people, but they can carry salmonella and what's called lymphocytic chromiomeningitis, which sounds bad.
I don't know what it is, but it sounds bad.
Something about your brain swelling.
And they are escape artists who clearly don't want to be around us. Every hamster tries to escape or does at some point.
Yeah. Hence, my uncles who got stuck behind the trier. Too many boogers.
People whose hamsters escaped, there's a book written about it called Houdini. It was a really cute kid's book about a hamster that's always escaping. Yeah.
They don't like us. They don't want to be around us. And Hawaii doesn't even allow hamsters to enter the island for good reason.
They don't ever want them getting out. So you're not allowed to have hamsters on Hawaii. So that's a better place.
Laura's just gonna go live in Hawaii now.
Since you know we have penguins running all around here, too.
Alrighty, guys.
There was our long-winded beef with animals that we...
Yeah, I feel like that was way longer than it needed to be, and it was just us trifogging animals.
Ones that we personally don't like.
Pigeons.
Pigeons.
In the meantime, go check us out on Patreon. Search for us on there For the Love of Nature.
We want to have...
We keep saying this, but we want to have more guests and everything like that on the episode, and any kind of extra support definitely helps us get there. So go ahead and go support us in the meantime. Talk to us on Twitter or anything else.
Yeah, tell us about an animal that you don't like for no good reason.
Or if you really think that we're... Yeah, or if you think that you really want to combat us for one of the ones that we... Like ticks, if you really have a passion for ticks, and you're like, you know what?
You're wrong. Call us out, so we would... Please tell us if you like ticks, because none of us do.
All right, everybody, until next time.
Talk to you all next week.
Bye.