Anti-Bucket List: Things You Never Want to Do in Nature

In this episode of Wildly Curious (formerly For the Love of Nature), co-hosts Katy Reiss and Laura Fawks Lapole dive into their hilarious "Antibucket List" — a collection of nature-related activities they'd rather avoid at all costs. From the horrifying candiru fish of the Amazon to the terrors of quicksand, they humorously recount their top "no thanks" moments. Along the way, they share amusing anecdotes about dangerous creatures, close encounters, and the often overlooked perils of being in the wild. Whether you're a fan of the great outdoors or a cautious observer, this episode offers laughs, relatable fears, and surprising facts about the strange and dangerous corners of nature.

Perfect for nature enthusiasts, science lovers, and anyone with a sense of humor about the challenges of outdoor adventures.

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to For the Love of Nature, a podcast where we tell you everything you need to know about nature and probably more than you wanted to know. I'm Laura.
And I'm Katy. And this episode, we are going to be doing our anti-bucket lists. So the things that we definitely don't want to do in nature, nature-related.
In nature-related, yeah, not just in life in general, because that's a whole other list, I feel like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course, this list could be thousands of things long, because there's many things that I don't want to do in nature.
Yeah, but I feel like right before we started this, we were kind of talking about, because of course Kim goes through it, and I feel like our lists are definitely going to demonstrate our personalities, just like the Could You Fight that episode did.
Yeah, yeah.
So, because mine are practical things that I just, I'm not going to do. Like, I'm just not going to do them.
I ain't doing it.
Yeah, I'm just not ever again.
I'm just, I love, as a kid, I had the Worst Case Scenario survival game, and I had the Worst Case Scenario handbook. I have a vivid memory of reading that handbook in the bathtub as a kid.
As in the bathtub?
I don't know, yeah.
I mean, where else would you read the Worst Case Scenario book than in your bathtub?
I guess maybe I was imagining drowning, like what would you do? I don't know, but yeah. So I'm thinking Worst Case Scenario things that I definitely don't want to happen to me.
Exaggerated, I have a feeling, like extreme.
Yeah, but definitely, so again, like all of our other kind of ridiculous episodes, we have at least a ground rule. The ground rule is that it must be possible to happen to you.
Yeah, it has to be possible.
But other than that, we'll see.
Yeah, because I did my actions of things that I just never want to do action-wise.
Okay, I'm going to start with, okay, this was one of the first things I thought of. Something that I absolutely do not ever want to do is get a candiru fish up my urethra.
Wait, those, okay, those are the ones that swim up your, yeah. Dude.
Yeah, in the Amazon. Yep, nope. So for all of you who are now like, what?
Listen to this podcast.
These are the peahole fish.
Yeah, the old peahole fish. They're parasitic freshwater catfish of the upper Amazon river. They have no scales and are translucent except after they feed, which is disgusting.
That is pretty gross.
They have got little needle-like teeth. They're narrow and cylindrical. They're usually only about two inches.
They lodge themselves in the gills of a bigger fish. They have backward-facing spines, and so they lodge themselves in there and drink their blood. And this is where it gets metal, okay, because they don't just suck blood.
I was like, okay, like vampire fish. Gross. No, no, no, no, no.
They tap into the fish's artery or aorta and let the blood pump into their mouths.
Yeah, which is so disgusting.
Into their little hellish mouths for 30 to 145 seconds, and then sink back to the bottom. And so stories have been published of them swimming up people's urethras when they urinate in the water. The credibility of the stories is questioned.
No one's actually like, there's no super definitive proof.
A lot of people have said that they've been standing near the water and have been peeing, and it's like, swam up the stream, and like, darted into it. No, that is not going to happen, because that's just not. But if you're peeing in the water.
They think, right, and like they've tested it where they had these little catfish, and they put urine in the water, and they had no reaction. So, whether they're attracted to urine, whether they're just like, they can smell a blood supply.
A nice hole.
I don't know.
Or they just, they are made to fill holes.
Yeah, and they do it.
So, that is something I hope never happens to me, and I do hope to visit the Amazon, but I'll be sure to not pee in the water.
Pee in the water. Yeah, that's the one place. I remember growing up and going to the lake with family and friends of ours, and they were like, you have to go to the bathroom, just pee in the lake.
Just take a jump in and just pee in the lake, and now you're like, second guessing yourself. So, they always prepare us for quicksand whenever we're kids, but never. They encourage us to pee in the water, and that's actually a real thing that you shouldn't be worried about.
I mean, if you're going to the Amazon, but still.
Yeah, but still.
Yeah, all righty, you ready for mine?
Yeah, sure, what's the first thing you never want to happen to you?
Or that I never want to do?
Or do, yes, yes, yes.
Tickle a bull's butt?
Like tickle.
You never want to have to do it? Yeah. Specifically its butt?
Well, because I don't want to be kicked.
Why would you be tickling its butt?
This is the antibucculism.
I don't want to have to. I don't want to be put in a position where I would have to.
I'm just like, what position, at what point is somebody like, do it, Katy, do it. Listen, you've got to do it.
I grew up in a dairy country. This is honestly not that outlandish.
Tickling butt? Tickling cow, yeah, bull butt.
It's like cow tipping.
Please. You've actually heard of people tickling bull butts.
Yeah, it was a weird, yeah, yes, like you said.
Sneaking up on them.
Sneaking up on them, yes, and scaring them. Yes, oh my gosh, yeah.
I mean, cow tipping, I come from a place where, yes, I never actually met anyone who did cow tipping, but I know that cow tipping is a real thing.
But yeah, it's scaring cows.
You've heard of people who would just run up to cows.
And like slap it in the ass and run away. Slap it in the ass and run away while it was sleeping, and just run.
Jeez. Those poor bulls.
Yeah, so I would just never do that, because I won, I mean, depending on what kind of bull, one year they were being gored, one, two, just chased down, but mostly just kicked. I grew up like riding horses and stuff as a kid, and I always escaped. I've never been kicked.
Because I was smart. Yes.
I was, yeah.
Proper precautions, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just not comfortable around cows enough. I don't know.
Cows are terrifying. There's something like, sure, they got those big soulful eyes, but I remember as a kid learning that, like, let's say you're in a stampede of horses, lay down, they'll jump over you. If you're in a stampede of cows, they'll just run right over you.
And that's when I stopped trusting cows.
In that very moment.
In that moment.
So you're with me that you wouldn't tickle bulls' butt.
Yeah, I wouldn't tickle a bull's butt. That's just crazy.
It's the same thing with cow tipping. I never went cow tipping, though.
No. I'd feel bad for it. And I'd be like, if somebody was like, if I actually had to do it, there's no way there'd be any sneaking up on this bull.
I would be like, like I would be almost laughing the whole time. All right. Well, it's funny that you should have brought up, you know, how people prepared us for quicksand, because that is one thing that I never wanna do is drown in quicksand.
Or get near it for crying. I don't wanna be stuck in it.
I don't even wanna see it. Well, right, my fear is that I will accidentally just be walking along, minding my own business, and then run into it.
I feel like that's like an 80s and 90s kid, like phobia, because they've prepped us for that. Like the never-ending story, hello? Like, I mean, gosh.
When I was the guest appearance on Strange, ugh, Strange by Nature's podcast, I talked about quicksand and how it is practically impossible to drown in quicksand the way they show you in the movies.
We wouldn't know that because that's what we've always been showing.
But people have died in quicksand from getting stuck in it, and then like usually it's next to water, so like the tide comes in or you're exposed for too long in the weather. So, uh, I just don't. Yeah, I don't want to mess with quicksand.
I don't want to ever find it. It just seems terrifying. And it was something absurd.
Like, the amount of movies it was in was something crazy.
It's an 80s and 90s thing. Yeah, I swear, an 80s and 90s kid's thing. Because you don't see that anymore.
Quicksand, it never comes up.
No, because everyone's like, that's ridiculous. Because that's not what happened. But that seemed as a kid, like the most horrific death.
Like, surely drowning.
Same thing with like coming across like a boa constrictor. You know what I mean? That it's gonna like, like Swiss Family Robinson style.
Like it's gonna find you, coil around you, pull you under the water. No, like, no. Like that one, like this is never going to happen.
When are you ever gonna be in that situation? But definitely is in the movies a lot.
Yeah, so I hope I never find it. And then quicksand, there's wet quicksand, which is what we all assume. But there is in theory a substance called dry quicksand.
It's never been proven to exist outside of a lab. Although theoretically, it could exist in the desert. And that is what would happen to you.
You would immediately sink to the bottom and suffocate.
Well, that's like at wastewater treatment plants, aeration bins, the aeration basins, how you just sink to the bottom immediately, and there is no getting out. Like, nope, there is nothing you can do.
So don't wanna get near wet quicksand, but definitely don't wanna discover dry quicksand.
Yeah, be the first one to discover it. Maybe people have discovered it, we just don't know because they've died.
I mean, there are stories of caravans disappearing in the desert.
Yeah.
And like that's, like people are like, what if they got swallowed up? Who knows? I don't want it to be me.
Because then they call it like Laura's sand.
The old Laura's sand, bad name.
I was trying to like combine your name with sand. And I was like, well, you have land or land.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sara.
Yeah, nothing really good there. Alrighty, my number two. I've talked about this so many times.
I had to include it. Getting a knife fight with a cassowary.
I really hope if somebody is listening to this episode that hasn't listened to any of our answers before, they're picturing you getting an actual knife fight with a cassowary.
I mean, okay, but hear me out. Whenever you're in the bush, what do you typically always have on you? A knife.
Well, right. I mean, you just have to watch Crocodile Dundee to know that like Australians carry big knives all the time.
And machetes, and I mean, but I did, I mean, even whenever, you know, whenever we were on in the property when I was studying over there, like we carried a knife just for everything. You know what I mean? Like whatever we were doing just for cutting string on the like all the ties for the anabat traps or the bat traps and everything like that.
And so we always had a knife with us. And so I feel like your first reflex, if I was cornered, because I told you guys about my velociraptor experience, go back to one of the episodes. I don't even remember where that was first.
On an early one.
It was a very early one when that came up.
In fact, it was the first one.
The first actual one, yeah. After episode...
No, because I thought episode one... Episode one was like our... Oh, the intro.
Yeah, about man killing animals.
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
In the castle area.
Yeah, killing people. Yeah, so it was our first episode with its toe knife.
Back to the toe knife.
Yeah, I always bring it up. I mean, cassowary are freaking awesome, but yeah, very much so velociraptor-like. And I feel like if you...
They're gonna be more startled by you than anything, but if I got cornered by one somehow, cornered in the bush, I feel like my first initial reaction would be to grab a knife and...
Well, yeah, and something.
I mean, other than climb a tree.
But I just need to be so funny. Like, I now need somebody. Hopefully one day we'll become famous enough that someone will animate this for us, like an animated short.
Oh, of us, yeah.
That is you in a knife fight with a caster, and it's like super dramatic animated, where you've got your knife, and it's like a close-up of the toenife and your knife clashing.
Like swooping in, yeah.
Yeah, like they hit off one another. It's going for your throat, and you keep blocking it. It's like a ninja.
Yeah, I mean, listen. Well, it wouldn't go for my throat. It would go for my stomach, because they disembowel you.
Yeah, which is just horrible. So yeah, I never want to... I mean, I got close.
I certainly wouldn't either.
I got close enough for, you know, in the wild, too close for comfort. You know, if anything, it was just creepy. But yeah, so getting a knife fight with a cassowary.
My anti-bucket list number two.
Well, you don't want to mess with something with a knife. I don't want to mess with something with a sword. So I never want to be put in the position where I might be impaled and killed by a swordfish or marlin.
I knew you were going to have something in the water because I know you hate.
I just don't like it.
Like the ocean, knowing what's beneath you.
This actually has happened before.
Well, I believe it.
On multiple times. One person actually died, and now I'm terrified that this could happen. Although, to be fair, listeners, this has only ever happened when people are fishing for them.
But in case you didn't know what a swordfish or a marlin is, they're giant freaking fish. They're known as billfish because they have these super long bills. They can weigh up to a thousand pounds, and the record is 1,560 pounds.
That is a horse flying out of the water.
It is, it is.
Like a draft horse.
I was trying to think, I was trying to think, that wasn't, no, because it was bluefin tuna was my could you ride that.
Yes, yeah.
Which is just as big. I mean, they're both, I mean.
Right, but at least doesn't have that giant thing on the face. Which can be two to three feet long on top of a fish that's already like 13 feet long.
I feel like that's on cold floor.
Oh my gosh. The fact that that exists in the water is terrifying because they're apex predators. All right, so there's just this crazy thing with a sword on its face going through the ocean as big as a horse.
Because I feel like, I feel like narwhals, they don't go that fast.
No, no, no, they're not predators.
No.
Well, okay, I guess they are, but like not of, not of like fast fish. These are fish that hunt fish like a shark.
And their top speed is one meter per second.
Oh yeah, narwhals. Yeah, no, no. So anywho, quite a few people have been impaled by these fish.
One guy, you just look it up. The videos are crazy. One of them is like a reenacting video, which is just funny.
And then another one is like an interview. Both of them have actual footage because they are on these fishing expeditions where they film everything. One guy got impaled through the leg.
One guy got impaled through his mouth and into his throat.
What are the chances?
You know what I mean? The chances of him living is unreal. The video is crazy.
You would assume your torso.
If that fish had smacked off the back of the boat, it would have continued on through the back of his head. But one guy did die in 2015 off of Hawaii. He died after being speared through the chest by a swordfish.
See, that's what I was predicting, yeah.
But I never want to see people deserve this, so I'm not going to say he deserved it. But he had jumped off the boat, speared the swordfish, like that's like Rambo style, and then the swordfish was like, oh hell no, and then turned around and stabbed him.
I mean, that's literally why they have that, is to prevent it becoming, you know what I mean?
So I think my chances of this happening are pretty slim because I am never going swordfish fishing. The whole industry of billfish fishing is insanely lucrative. Thankfully, there are a lot of protections on these now because so many people, thousands of them are fished for every year, but most of them are catch and release.
I do feel bad for them because it's just like, it's just people who are like, fishing, I get it, I get it. I love fishing. But it is kind of sad to see this giant thing leaping out of the water.
It was swimming, you like, lured it in, and then now you're like, I don't know.
See, I love fishing.
I definitely think you have to accept the risk of this happening. When you're, I mean, you're like, deep sea going out and being like, listen, I'm going hunting for tigers. You have to know, but, and you're doing it with a really long cat toy.
Like a fishing rod with a feather on the end. You're luring this tiger through the bushes towards you. And then you're like, oh crap, it's actually about to eat you.
What could I have done differently?
So anyway, I don't think this is probably going to happen to me, but just in case I am ever on a fishing boat or a freak chance, no, I don't ever want to be put in this position.
Well, since you did a fishing one, I will skip ahead to my somewhat fishing one. And I do absolutely love fishing. And I have, because we talked about this on the episode once, I've been once saltwater fishing, because that was one of my hyper-focused deep dives where I like fixated for a couple of weeks on saltwater fishing.
I know everything there is to know about saltwater fishing. I've been once. But I do love fishing.
However, the one thing that I would never do is go noodling. Oh, really?
I actually think I might.
No, no, no. Okay, so for people who don't know what noodling is, first of all, redneck sport, of all redneck sports, no offense to rednecks. However, you are going into brave.
Not even, no. Brave, no. Not stupid.
Stupid is the word for looking bored.
I mean, you have to have some kind of days.
So noodling is whenever you are fishing, or whatever, noodling, I guess, for catfish, and catfish will go into these burrows and these holes. And so you go down into murky water and just blindly stick your hand in there hoping that they chomp onto it and grab onto it, and you just grab the fish and pull it out, and you're like, I got a catfish. Okay, that part would not bother me if I was 10 out of 10 going to get a catfish.
Yes, yes.
That is not the problem, people. The problem is, why the hell would you stick your hand somewhere where you're just blindly, and you can't see because it's murky water, in some place where snapping turtles live, so many other things, alligators, Alligators. so many other things that can snap you, and you're just like, let's stick my hand in a hole.
An unknown murky hole.
And just see what I can catch.
Definitely how you get bitten or poked or poisoned. Bad things. Something.
You're right. Noodling. The concept of noodling doesn't scare me.
No, it's not that. You just don't know. If it was 10 out of 10 times, I'm going to get a catfish.
No problem. It's just a fish. When I'm fishing, I grab fish by the mouth every time, and I've grabbed musky and stuff that have teeth.
I like when you stick your finger in a koi pond, and they come and gulp on your finger. Sure.
Whatever. But no. Snapping turtles, there's just too much that can go wrong.
And they say, if you watch these guys do this, they're like, you can tell the difference, but I'll snap a turtle. No, you cannot. If you're blindly sticking your hand in, okay, that snapping turtle is there for, like, it's waiting for a fish.
Yes. So as soon as you hit their tongue, it's going to chomp down. There is no, like, feeling around to where the alligator, like, the snapping turtle is going to be like, well, I don't want that thing.
You know, no, it's just going to chomp down.
Or can you imagine being any other animal in that hole and, like, something is coming in to snatch you out? You'd be like, ah! Yeah, and bite.
Yeah, no, thank you. So, noodling?
Mm-mm.
Nope.
Yeah, I can definitely see that one. Um, all right. My next one is that I...
This is a legitimate fear. This is, well, this is something I have thought about before. What if I never want this to happen?
I never want to be bitten by a venomous snake while pooping in the woods.
Well, I mean, okay, to be fair, once again, that is very realistic, because as a female, although they have, like, you know, they have the, what is it, the she-wee, they have the, um... They have all kinds of fun names for peeing, but you still gotta squat enough.
Yeah, and so the amount of times that I have gone to the bathroom in the woods...
Countless.
I've, right.
Ten out of ten, but rather poop in the woods than go in a porta potty. Any time. I would rather find, pull off on the side of a road than go in a porta potty.
Any day. Any day.
Yeah. I can choose the space that I think looks clean. Preferably snake-free.
Um, so, uh, and the reason why this is a pretty legitimate fear is that 7,000 to 8,000 people are bit per year in the US. Um, most of the time, that's by copperheads because they're so camouflaged. That's what we have where I live for the most part.
We have copperheads all around the building where I work. I have moved copperheads. I see them a lot, and, uh, thankfully, I do, but they are super, super camouflaged.
They are.
They don't give any warning signs like a rattlesnake does.
They just bite.
They strike. So if they're in the leaves and, like, you know...
You're popping a squat.
Where I normally pop a squat, I find a convenient, like, log. I, like, literally just make myself an outhouse out there. Like, I find a convenient log, stump, whatever, to, like, lean against.
No, I solely rely on the strength of my quad muscles. Like... Why do you think my quads are so strong?
It's the years and years of camping.
I make myself cozy.
Yeah.
I like to make myself all cozy. But, you know, if you think about, like, where snakes hang out, you can't see on the other side of that log. Poor Laura just sits down on this log and just on the other side just...
And that poor snake, I would feel terrible... I mean, it would totally be fair. You know, if some giant's about to poop on your head, you bite them.
So I'm just afraid that that's going to happen to me one of these times. But everyone, don't be super freaked out about hearing about these snake statistics. It is way more likely to be struck by lightning than bitten by a snake.
And by far, the majority of the times that people are bitten by snakes, it's when they are trying to handle them, and a third of the time, it's because the person's drunk.
Okay, also though, I feel... Okay, so you say you're more likely to be struck by lightning than bitten by a snake. However, I don't...
Not even the butt, just bitten by a snake in general.
But I also don't think that they're taking into consideration. I feel like I would be pooping in the woods more often than I would be outside in a thunderstorm. To be put...
You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I would be putting myself in a greater position to be bitten the butt by a snake...
Yeah, probably...
.than being struck by lightning. Yeah, I think you're probably right. I feel like...
But they're just saying the amount of people struck by lightning per year... Yeah, the number of people... .versus the amount of people bitten by snakes.
I feel like my odds are way higher of being bitten in the butt.
In the chance of getting bitten. Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I regularly put myself in positions to be bitten by snakes. It's inevitable. Thankfully, the copperhead venom is...
Actually, I was reading that a lot of the times, they don't even treat you with antivenin...
Oh, really?...
for copperhead bites because it's just so minor.
Just so you don't let it go through your system.
So if I do get bitten the old butt cheek...
Yeah, she's fine.
I don't have to worry about it too much. In fact, what a freaking cool scar!
Is that a neurotoxin or a hemotoxin, Dina?
Hemotoxin.
So yeah, if anything, you're just like, ew.
Gross scar.
Yeah, scar nonetheless.
Yeah, scar nonetheless.
I stand by my statement of going in the woods rather than a porta potty, though. That should be on my anti-bucket list, is just never having to go in a porta potty again. Do you remember whenever we went winter camping?
I feel like going to the bathroom. Okay, so even though you're winter camping, snow on the ground, you're not going to be able to buy a snake then.
But you might get frostbite on your feet.
Yeah, it is so cold. And talk about, like, you got to pee at like 4 a.m. 2 a.m.
It's the worst.
Do you want to talk about waking you up? You want to talk about waking you up? Pop a squad with your danger zone out in the breeze.
Like, that is going to wake you up like no other. Gosh.
I remember waking up, and like, you're just like, okay, please, no, maybe I can hold it till morning. Please, no, I really don't want to get out of this warm sleeping bag into, like, whatever degree weather. And then I remember going out there with you, and it was lit by the moon.
Because you guys heard me getting up, and then you were, I think... Was there somebody else that went with us too? Or did you just go?
I think you just went out. You were the only brave soul, because I was like, listen, I don't care, I'm not holding in anymore.
If I believed in Bigfoot, this would be the place in the time where I was going to see it, with my pants down in the middle of the woods, with the moonlight streaming through the trees. This would have been the time.
Yeah, because we were in Allegheny National Forest in northern Pennsylvania, where there are a lot of Bigfoot sightings.
So yeah, in the moonlit forest, it was dead quiet. Pennsylvania forest in winter is quiet.
And you could see for a really long time because there was no leaves on the trees, but there was just tons of trees. You could just imagine Sasquatch going from tree to tree.
All moonlit.
Oh, it's giving me the willies.
Then you really would have to poop then.
Yeah, I was just peeing real quick and getting back in the tent.
Let's go to my next one. I'm gonna stay in the south, and also stay in the water, and say I'm never going to go swimming in the Everglades. And it is absolutely not because of alligators, because I have swam in croc-infested waters once, whenever I was on a strike.
Listen, so I have pictures of it.
Man, I was elbowing those crocs out of the way just to get some room.
We were told that it was croc-infested waters. It was her quote. But it looked like a great place to go swimming.
It was pretty fairly hot. And so we were like, how many crocs do you actually see here? And she's like, well, this time of year, not too many.
We're like, sweet, we're going swimming. Probably a really dumb idea. But hindsight, you know, whatever.
Anyway, but that's not why I would be afraid to go swimming in the Everglades. It has nothing to do with animals and everything to do with like brain eating amoeba. Same reason why I won't go swimming off Galveston, off the coast of Texas.
I just know.
Well, that's what I was reading about the Candiru.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Saying like you are way more likely to get something else up your urethra.
Naujeria fowry, or whatever it's called. So this one, a lot of these brands. No, it is.
And it's warm, fresh. They're often found in warm freshwater, like lakes, rivers. And I mean, Texas, that's why we have it, because the water down here just doesn't get very, it just doesn't get cold.
And so, and the same thing with the Everglades. And that one too is also like in the Everglades. So that is, it's not stagnant, but at the same time, it's like, if something's going to grow, it's not like it's moving or flowing water.
It's sitting, and yeah, brain eating amoeba, no thank you.
And the leeches.
Yeah, the leeches would be bad. There's just so many, so many things.
I mean, the Everglades are a wonderful thing, and they're great for birding, but I'm staying in my airboat. In the boat, yeah, yeah, me too.
I'm not going swimming.
The only time I would dive out, which would be probably if I saw manatees, but I know you're not allowed to get close to them.
I don't think they're down in the Everglades.
Probably not the Everglades themselves, no.
Because I know I went swimming with manatees back before they stopped all that kind of stuff. Homosassa Springs on the west coast of Florida. And that was a pretty awesome experience, because you're not allowed to touch them or anything like that.
You just have snorkeling gear on, and you just kind of float around. But I had a mom and her calf following me around for quite a while. And the calf was just wanting to play.
Just wanted to play. And I'm like, I can't touch you. But it was really fun.
Cows I can get behind.
Yeah, not tickling a bull's butt. But I would totally tickle a manatee's butt. Because they are so slow and so cute.
Yeah, they are very cute. But yeah, Everglades, absolutely not. Brain-eating amoebas, and not only brain-eating amoebas, but that literally deteriorate and chew apart your brain.
It is a slow... Yeah, no cure. There's absolutely nothing you can do.
And because it's your brain, it's just a slow process.
That's why, I mean, the same thing, you get the same kind of thing from raccoon poop and... Don't mess with feces. Don't mess with Everglade water.
Well, speaking of mother manatees and their calves, one of my things that is on my anti-bucket list is to not get mauled by a mother of literally any animal when I end up getting too close to their babies, because that's going to happen.
Because that is going to happen.
I have a weakness, and baby animals, they look cuddly. It would take, I mean, I am smart, but I am weak.
I am smart, but I am weak. I am smart, but alas, I am weak.
Well, in my head, I'm just thinking, I just saw a video of a girl who was out hiking, and she was filming, and she looks up, and she's down in this creek bed. She looks up, and there is a baby mountain lion just wandering across, spotted and everything still, wandering across, and she's like, oh my gosh, mama's probably really close. Dude, I'd take my freaking chances.
But I would really love to see, or a baby polar bear, or, you know, inevitably, Laura would get too close to the baby, and then mama would get really mad.
Because we were just talking about this, though, that you end up in the weirdest situations by no fault of your own, like, 90% of the time. You haven't done anything wrong. It's just like you find yourself in the strangest situations that I'm always like, this can only happen to Laura.
Like, only happen to you.
Oh, right, I just...
Like a weird black cat.
Right, maybe it wouldn't even be me getting too close to the babies on purpose. Maybe it would just be like me walking through the jungle, and a baby monkey falls into my arms with three tops, and I'm like, oh my gosh, so cute, and then mama mows you. Yeah.
That's way more likely, I feel like, than you.
Whatever happens, I just feel like it's super possible to happen to me, and I just really hope that it never does. It's on my anti-bucket list. I don't want to be mowed by a mother.
I don't want to be mowed by a mother.
I know what... I would feel sympathetic.
Yeah, I get it.
Just doing what they do.
All they see is you have my baby. They don't know that you have a background in biology, and you know what you're doing. I shall maul you.
That would be terrifying.
Yeah.
Well, that leads perfectly into... Mauling leads perfectly into my next one, which is seeing chimpanzees or bonobos in the wild. Gorillas, okay.
Chimps, bonobos, absolutely not. Absolutely not.
Brave lady.
Well, she doesn't go out in the wild with them anymore, I don't think. But yeah, never. So why I said gorillas?
Gorillas, one, yes, they are going to be protective, especially the male silverback. And then they do these eco tours and things like that, which they haven't been during COVID because gorillas, I mean, they're an ape, they can't get COVID and stuff. But they're a lot more docile.
You have to really go up to a gorilla and way well within its range of, you shouldn't be there for it to be pissed off. Whereas a chimp or bonobo, all of which are in Africa, I feel like are just, they have that evil streak that... Ha ha ha!
Yeah, I mean, and bonobos, listen, we've already had a whole episode about bonobos and how creepy they are, but I would never...
You're probably not that much taller than a bonobo.
I don't think I am.
I don't think you are.
No, I can't remember how tall a bonobo is. How tall is a... Yeah, okay, oh wait, okay, to be fair, it's three foot eight inches.
So I'm five foot one. I'm five foot one.
I'll show you a little bit.
A little bit taller. I mean, a gorilla is definitely bigger than me, but yeah, I would never... And that one is likely, because I would be the person that would, normally you would think, want to go on something like that in seeing it, but never, never chance.
Or, like, what will end up happening is, like, you'll go to Africa with a friend, a significant other, whatever, and they're gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna surprise Katy with this.
Yeah, right? Think that it would be amazing.
Well, hopefully they listen to this podcast and understand, gorillas, yes, chimps, no. No, because, again, they are evil. They're too intelligent, and they're too human.
And when I say evil, like, I'm not joking. Like, they genuinely do. Well, because they're like, they've shown cannibalism, like, they hunt for the sake of hunting.
I definitely think that evil is a bit much, because I feel like evil would be, they have to know right from wrong in order to commit evil.
But to cannibalize one of your own? I mean, like, what's the point of that? You know what I mean?
Like, it's not like they, at least the ones that I've read about, it's not like they've done it for a reason. It's just been like they've killed it. And they have, like, tortured monkeys, like, caught and tortured monkeys, like, let's pull off an arm.
And just like, and I mean, come on, how many different zoos have we worked in that we know chimps readily torture animals, just because they just, and they're genuinely curious to be like, well, let's just, I think, what's this gonna do?
It's the inhibitions of a toddler and the curiosity of a toddler.
So what would they do to me in the wild? And the curiosity is rip off Katy's leg. Let's see what happens.
Is she gonna hop or is she gonna crawl around and take her rib or leg off?
They just come up and they try and surprise you and smack you on the butt.
I heard she'd never tickle a bull's butt. I'm gonna tickle her butt. No, thank you.
That would actually be a bonobo that would do that. Those little perverts.
I was gonna say, speaking of cannibalism, but no, not cannibalism, but speaking of things eating things, my other thing that I definitely think could happen to me is that I hope never does. It's on my anti-bucket list. I never want to be eaten by cute pigs.
I mean... Go ahead. I mean...
What about ugly ones?
Well, right. For me, most pigs, almost every pig is cute.
Speaking of pigs, do you follow Sam Neal on Twitter? No. First of all, you need to follow him, because he was doing all the filming for the new Jurassic movie coming out.
Because he was filming, he has a huge farm in New Zealand, and he just went back and saw his pig for the first time in a year. You just need to watch the video, it's super cute. He's like, hey pig, hey pig!
And it's freaking out, because it knows who he is.
I think I have seen him with the pig during the pandemic.
I'm sure you did.
He talks to it, and it's really vocal.
It's very, very vocal. Well, he goes back after not seeing it for a year, and it just is freaking out. It's super cute.
Sam, Neil, Dr. Alan Grant, for anybody who doesn't know. My nature hottie number one. Continue.
So yeah, I think pretty much all pigs are cute. And they're smart. In the United States alone, there have been 100 documented cases of feral hogs attacking humans in the last 1825 to 2012.
Five of those have been fatal. And that's just the United States, and that's just feral pigs. This happens all over the world with feral pigs, also domesticated pigs.
Pretty much all pigs. Pigs have a vicious streak, as cute as they are, and they're omnivores, and so they will eat you.
They will and they can eat you.
I just remember when I did my internship in Costa Rica, and they were like, listen, there are little pigs down here.
Don't chase them.
And if you hear peccaries coming, climb a tree. They will and can attack you. You're worried about the jaguars, but it's really the peccaries.
Because they're everywhere, and that's the difference. Jags are at least elusive. You really gotta be up in a jag's territory to piss it off.
But I feel like a peccary... I mean, they just run around everywhere. And so...
And feral hogs, same thing.
Feral hogs are everywhere. Speaking of, fun fact, there's apparently a huge pig problem in Barcelona in Spain. Shakira was actually attacked by feral pigs.
What? Shakira, the singer, yeah. They stole her bag.
They stole her camera bag after they like jumped her and took her camera bag.
Did I ever tell you about this story whenever we were in South Africa? I don't know if I've told this in the podcast. When we were at Kruger National Park, and we were told that the vervid monkeys make sure you lock your belongings in the cabin.
Shut the door and lock it, because these vervid monkeys jump the fence, and they will grab stuff. So we were walking to the little gift shop, and so in the middle of the park, they have these, I don't know, walled-off camping areas. So you're in the park, and then there's a walled-off area, so you drive from the outside in through the park, all through the wild animals, into one of these walled-off areas to camp and everything.
And so we had got a big bunk house, and we were going to the food gift shop little place or whatever, and we hear all this rattling in a camping, like somebody's RV.
I swear that this was Alexa's story, but it must have been yours.
No, it was definitely mine, and we heard all this rattling, and out comes a troupe of vervet monkeys, and they all have plastic bags slung over their shoulders just carrying crap. Like freaking Jumanji. Yeah, but I don't know what they do with it all, but it was just like a whole troupe of them just raided this camping trailer.
Grocery shopping. Right?
For weird stuff like pots and utensils and things. They just took whatever they could.
Feral hogs, man. And they are, like, I know, even when, I mean, Australia down here in Texas, we have them. In Arkansas, we definitely had them.
I mean, feral hogs.
Texas is the most recent death.
Oh, really?
In 2015, I think. Yeah, like right outside our house.
Oh, man. No, thanks. Feral hogs, they are pretty nasty.
In their feral, they shouldn't be there anyway, so. Alrighty.
Yeah.
You ready for my next one?
Yipper.
This is one that you and I have both done, and I never want to do again, and I caught a lot of crap from Kim about it. I never... This is now on my anti-bucket list.
I never ever want to go hiking again on Rattlesnake Ridge in Arkansas.
I knew it.
Why, folks? Because I got so many ticks in my danger zone, it was uncountable. Like, there were just so many...
We were picking them off each other in the parking lot, much less when we got home.
Yes. Like, everywhere. Ticks everywhere.
And I hate... I like the nymphs. Like, the babies.
They were so little.
They were so little. And, I mean, I... Okay, so when I was in Australia, like, there were leeches everywhere.
I mean, it's the... Like, the rainforest. You're gonna have leeches.
And we did have to get a leech off of somebody's eyeball one night. To be fair...
Yeah. Did I not?
I swear. I told you this.
We were all... Probably.
We went down to a local bar and we were all drinking. And then we came back up and they had to... Like, obviously, because it's like a two-mile trek back to, like, into the research station from the main road.
And so, like, this bus that came in, like, would get us, were just like, pull over here, and it's just like... It looks like a path into the woods. And we're like, we know where it is, but it looks like you're just dropping a bunch of students off in the middle of nowhere, and they're just gonna walk down this path.
Yeah, and so we were walking back. I mean, I don't even know what time it was, like, one, two o'clock in the morning. And we were walking back, and we're like, all right, we gotta kind of be quiet and stuff like that, because we don't want to wake, you know, the professors up and stuff.
And one of the girls was like, oh, I got a raindrop in my eye. It was not a raindrop.
Oh, I do remember this.
Yeah, not a raindrop. It was definitely a leech that just... What are the chances?
Like, not a raindrop, leech. I mean, wherever it was, leech to the eyeball. So we had to get it off.
Our professor there, she always told us, if you got a leech, you got to pick it off with your nail. Use your fingernail, pick it off. And then she said, fling it like a booger.
So you pick it off, you roll it up, and then flip and flick it. Flick it like a booger. But you can't do that with an eyeball.
In tics, in tics, you really can't do that. No, flick it. Yeah, well, flick it.
No, I know. I know, I know. But when you were like, I meant like flick.
You can't flick an eyeball.
Oh, no.
The leech you can.
Just flick the eyeball right out of its socket.
No, the leech.
But tics, you can't do that, because then if you do that, if you rip its...
I'm gonna come right back.
Well, not only that, but like if you rip its legs off, then you're just way more prone to infection.
And its mouth, right, its mouth parts.
Yeah, so it's gonna stay there. And that's like 101 with tics and dogs.
That's probably not where I'm from.
Dude, and I freaking told Kim that. So Kim was like, oh, it's not that bad. I've been hiking up there.
First of all, you and I were there right after the group that we were working with purchased that property.
Yeah.
We got so many. Guys, when I say countless, I seriously mean countless. And it wasn't even once.
It was twice because right before I moved, we went back there. We're like, surely we're not going to get, we're going to stay on the path. We're not going to get that many.
No. Get back. Boom.
Ticks in my danger zone once again. Oh, and I hate it because yeah, you got to, man, you got to get the hot tweezers.
Ticks are the grossest.
They are. And hot tweezers are always my go-to because then they let go and either that or smother them vastly. But I never, and that's the same thing.
I mean, how many times in undergrad did we go running through a field to catch snakes and everything like that? And I never got ticks. But now I second guess myself with fields.
I'm a little more cautious. I mean, because I'm always, I'm always, but I'm always herping. And so I know, I mean, we tell people all the time, don't go off the trail.
It's horrible. But I'm one of the biggest offenders of that. I'm going to be flipping over logs.
I'm going to be flipping over rocks. I'm sorry. I can't help it.
Herping.
And I think I'm just way probably more likely to get chiggers.
True.
Like from like the woods.
Yeah, true.
But I don't know.
Man, ticks.
I still get ticks occasionally.
But not like we did there. Crotch full of ticks. I just don't.
And they do carry all kinds of things. I just don't like ticks anymore. Like, and so I am, I am cautious of running through fields to catch snakes and stuff now.
I just still can't, like, I commend everyone who takes more precautions than I do. Like, I, if it's the summer, I just can't wear long pants.
Yeah, I'm no stupid.
I can't do it.
The most I've ever done was, like, whenever we would go for rattlesnakes, like for rattlesnakes in undergrad, I would wear gators. And I wore gators in Australia, too, just because of snakes. But that's about it.
I mean, like the tall gators, they go up to my knees, but that's it. But I mean, that doesn't do squat for ticks, though.
Right.
So never again am I going back up on the ridge. And I know since then, they've, like, burned it and stuff like that, but nope.
Still.
Yeah.
Speaking of the woods.
Of course.
Also, this is never going to happen to me, and I've made sure. So it is on my anti-bucket list, but it's not going to happen to me, and that is to eat or wipe with poison ivy. Um.
Listen, this is almost like the snake thing. I do make sure where I squat.
Yes.
But.
And, well, for me, it's not even, like, where I am so... I know what poison ivy looks like. Yeah.
I look where I'm stepping. I don't wipe with leads.
No, but for me, that doesn't matter, because, I mean, I haven't gotten poison ivy in a very, very, very long time. Never. When I was a kid, super bad reaction to it every single time.
And so if I got it one spot, it literally covered my body.
Well, so for anyone who doesn't know, poison ivy, 85% of the population is allergic to it, and 10 to 15% of that is extremely allergic. It comes... You are...
If you are allergic, it's from the urushiol oil. It's from the urushiol.
It's the oil, yeah.
Which is an oily sap from the plant, and you can get it from the leaves, the stem, the rootlets that come off in the summertime, in the wintertime, anytime. It's always there, and you get it through contact.
I've gotten poison ivy in the middle of winter. In the dead middle of winter, I've gotten poison ivy. Some people...
My mom can get it if you stand in a burning...
Yes, me too. If you light poison ivy on fire. Yeah, me too.
But it's so bad, if you can inhale it, people have... I can't imagine wiping with it, because every step would be agony.
So I will tell you, because I am very allergic, whenever we were clearing... When I was growing up, we built our log house, my dad did, and so we had to clear property for it. Burning poison ivy all the time.
And he was very cautious of making sure he didn't. But every so often, it snuck in there, because he knew I was really badly allergic. And I had it so...
I mean, I was the kid who would have to go get a steroid shot, steroid creams, and stuff like that. One time, I did get it all in my eyes, all over my mouth, and once again, where I don't want ticks to go. And it is not, not fun at all.
As a kid, I didn't get it. And then, so you, just like with any allergy, you could have it, and then you could stop having it. You could not have it, and then you could get it.
So I could roll around it as a kid, and then, I don't know when, probably late elementary, I started getting it, and then in high school, one time I got it so bad, one of my eyes swelled shut, and I looked like Quasimodo. I had to go to the hospital and get a steroid shot. But yeah, no.
So now I am a pro at poison ivy, and I do not wipe with leaves of any kind.
Knock on wood, though, I haven't gotten it in a very, very long time. Like a very long time.
Mine's been a while. Yeah. And because I'm really cautious, and then I usually can get rid of it pretty quickly.
Yeah, yeah. But that would be like the freaking worst for me to accidentally ingest or wipe with.
It was the worst. Like, don't worry, I still have distinctive memories. And I didn't wipe with it, I just got it down there.
It was just not, and it was like my eyeballs.
Cause it's blisters.
And down, and then down there.
If you've ever gotten poison ivy, you don't know what we're talking about, but it is like horrible. The itchiest thing, and then becomes painful. You get blisters, those blisters can pop and become infected.
It oozes, it oozes, it's, yeah, it's not, no joke. Alrighty, you ready for my last one?
Last one.
Now I have very specific exceptions for this one, so hear me out. Anti-bucket list, going to space. Now, I will say, would I ever become an astronaut?
There are some very specific reasons as to when I would be okay with it. One, we would have to have already discovered a world like Avatar's Pandora, and we would have to absolutely know for sure that it existed for me to go into space. This whole one, I would not be the one to be exploratory, and maybe it's just because I have a kid now that I don't want to do this whole interstellar thing and get sucked into a black hole and then never see my son again.
But I would just not go to space. If it was exploratory, I wouldn't take the chance. We just haven't gone enough.
And maybe as we start keep progressing and stuff, maybe I will. Which, shout out amazing show. If you haven't watched it, Apple TV For All My Kind.
Do you have Apple TV? For All My... It's like five bucks a month or something.
But For All Mankind, amazing show. They do it from the perspective, if we didn't land on the moon first, if Russia did, like how that would have made us more competitive and kept driving and going, yeah, it's really good. They bring Ronald Reagan back to life, like you know what CGI I am and everything like that.
It's really, really good. It's a really good storyline, I think. Anyway, but if it was like exploring, just I know, and I am an explorer at heart.
Like I do not hesitate to do, but space-
I'm 100% with you.
Like space, it's just too vast because in my brain, it's like burning alive or drowning is floating off into the abyss of space. Like eventually you're gonna run out of oxygen or something, but just floating-
The wind was coming for so long.
Yeah, for so long.
And there's so many ways to die. You went out of air, there's like radiation.
Yeah, radiation poisoning, yep.
All of the ways.
So much.
In an element that you have zero control. That's why I don't like the ocean. And then take that times 10 is space.
Yeah, and as cool as it is, and as cool as it is, like, and I love reading about space stuff. Like I do find it- I got it, yeah, absolutely.
I think it's fascinating. But yeah, I would just never go to space. And absolutely, unless it was like, Katy, we need you as a biologist to go to this specific-
I will be on the first flight to Pandora.
Yeah, absolutely, freaking loosely, I would be on the first flight to Pandora. I don't care what I would have to do to get on that first flight. I would, we were talking about earlier-
We were selling you into servitude.
Don't care, I'm going to Pandora. But yeah, but other than that, unless it was like a definitive, this is where you're going, and this is what you're going to do, and this is not amazing, it's going to be, wouldn't go to space. As much as it would pique my curiosity, and maybe if I wasn't a mom, maybe it would be different, but it would probably be different if I wasn't a mom.
But it's just, yeah, it's just too many ways to die, and it's not, it's horrifically, and most of the time, it's slow. You see it coming. You know, for the most part, you know it's gonna happen, and mm-mm.
Mm-mm. All right.
No submarines and no spaceships for Laura.
No.
I feel like it's the exact same thing.
It's very, I mean, they say that. I mean, you know, we're going to the moon, and we, you know, have all these plans for Mars, and we haven't even really discovered the depths of our oceans yet, and mapped all that stuff out.
Also terrifying.
Yeah, it is scary, whatever's down there. All righty.
All right, well, yeah, well, at least now we know what we don't want to do.
Ever.
Um, ever. I'll make sure she'll never subject you to any of that. I'll never demand that you take a bull bus.
Or go hiking through tick-infested fields again. Twice that was us. Not even just once, twice.
All right, everyone, make sure you follow some social media, go to our Patreon page. Until then, we will talk to you guys next week.